community & ego.
lego my ego. that's not funny.
Evan and I have officially lived in Seattle longer than we have lived anywhere else together. We moved here exactly four years ago. And while half of those years have been completely bonkers, I don’t know if we’re completely off the hook for not having that strong of a community here. I read a bell hooks quote this week and it stopped me in my tracks:
“I am often struck by the dangerous narcissism fostered by spiritual rhetoric that pays so much attention to individual self-improvement and so little to the practice of love within the context of community.”
Like how much am I fostering love in my community. And when I say “community” I mean… am I fostering love in my neighborhood… my family… my workplace… I dunno. Yes? Sometimes?
Or am I like, “Okay, I gotta meditate, run, do a Tarot reading, post a photo/story on Instagram, watch all the things, listen to all the things, write all the time, do all my skincare, drink all the water… to be my best self.” I guess a little of all of it.
This is kind of how I feel about “advice” from influencers: LOL.
Then I was listening to this podcast (per a friends recommendation) and one of the women said, “The ego loves to seek and never find.” And ummm fuck, that is me. I’m always always seeking. In my short-ish career, I’ve been a graphic designer, a communications manager, a documentary film director, an art director, a creative director, a copywriter, and a radio producer. I’ve lived four different places with Evan, because I keep seeking. I keep making us move, because I love to seek… I am the ego.
But is this it?
In 2015, in Maui, during our honeymoon, Evan and I loved boogie boarding together. We’d stand and bob in the waist-deep waves. Smiles were chiseled into our faces from ear to ear. We would study waves and say back and forth to each other, “Is this it? Is this it? This is it!” And then giggle as we both jumped and caught a wave into the shore.
Is this it?
…
Is this it?
…
This is it! Is it?
Was that it?
A Little Woo:
2/22/22: I don’t know when Questlove became my spirit guide, but here we are. Today’s almost over, but I hope you manifested some magic. I can say I set the best intentions to manifest some magic, but mostly, I just exhaled into the fact that Pisces season is supposed to bring some peace. (though it’s mainly bringing me the fact that I have to pay for an extra plane ticket, because my baby girl is turning two!! 😭😭😭)
Quick Hits:
Jam of the Week: ODESZA - The Last Goodbye (feat. Bettye LaVette).
(ummm THIS VIDEO. the bassist is Eva Walker… KEXP DJ and lead in the local band The Black Tones. I work with that badass! get it, girl!)
Also Been Listening to This Moon on Repeat.
(damn, I miss a Texas moon. and the stars at night… they’re so big and bright.)Ob-Sessed with These Vases.
(I want one for each one of my loved ones. we’re gonna need more flowers.)
On Alcohol.
(a couple newsletters ago, I claimed I was giving up alcohol for 100 days. or did I? I at least alluded to that. well, I fell off the wagon and then played in the mud for a while. it’s always such a complicated relationship I have with booze. my friend sent me this app and I am really liking it. learning what this legal drug does to my brain. my body. my life. and while I don’t want to give it up all together [right? I LOVE YOU, LOIRE VALLEY] and I do want to go 100 days at some point this year… I don’t know what I’m doing right now. and this app is helpful in this grace period.)
I Didn’t Expect to Like This Piece.
(I was expecting a come-to-jesus moment that I didn’t know how I’d feel about. instead, I felt that whole story in my bones. I wasn’t a stripper, but I went to a Christian summer camp and felt shame over so many things. I felt outside of a community I didn’t know how to break into.)
Wanna Laugh Your Ass Off?
(okay, seriously, watch Fortune Feimster’s Netflix special. but if you live in Seattle and are feeling like you can go out in public, I have two tickets to her [sold out!] show at the Moore Theater, Friday, March 4th that I cannot use. they’re all yours! to the first person who responds. what other newsletter gives you free tickets to stand-up shows?? HUH?? love ya, baby.)
You’re the best.
xxo,
rachel.