A friend texted me yesterday, asking how we came up with Marcelline’s name and if we shared it with friends and family beforehand. I told them that we had some top-runners and that we named her when we met her. (sidenote: in the hospital, just an hour after giving birth, I texted two of my best friends pictures, being like… “what’s her name??” and they both basically texted back, “if you don’t name this girl ‘Marcelline’ then what the hell have you been talking about for the last twenty years??” yeah, I have been in love with her name—my grandmother’s name—for decades.)
Then I sent her a photo of our framed Post-It I kept on my computer throughout my pregnancy.
It was such a process—getting pregnant. Staying pregnant. Giving birth. Deciding on a name.
Putting this Post-It in a frame feels like I’m saying, “I’m done.” We’re officially done. Having kids. I didn’t realize it when I put this piece of paper in a frame, but I think that meant I was done.
How do you know when you’re done with something?
In my early 20s, while my girlfriends and I dated around, I learned about a term that described when you were dating someone but you were over it and nothing they could do could change your mind… the “icy cold heart.”
– Just the way he hiccups after eating spicy food.
– Dump him already, Ray… you have the icy cold heart!
Gen-Z has a much better word for this, btw. In our late 20s and early 30s, we used the “icy cold heart” to describe jobs or employers when we knew we were done. It’s bizarre how much dating life feelings translate to career feelings. So much pining, so much work, and then some level of commitment.
The idea—whether I express it plainly or not—is to be done with something to make room for something else… something better.
I know when I’m done with men.* I know when I’m done with jobs. Apparently, I know when I’m done having kids. And I do know why I’m done with having kids—I’m making more room for more life with this perfect little unit we have and more room for the adventures of life and career I want to jump into.
But there are so many other things I don’t know if I’m done with.
Every night that I don’t drink, I wonder, “Am I done? Am I sober now?” Spoiler: I’m not. I always drink in the next one to seven nights.
Do I have to wait for a rock-bottom for that one? Is that how you know you’re done?
There are other ways I use to identify myself and spend my smiles… Do I remember the last time I went climbing? Was that my last time? Am I done? Do I remember the last conversations I had with certain friends? Are we done? I know when I’m done with a book—whether it’s over or I’m done.
I don’t know how I know when I’m done with certain chapters and seasons. I guess I’m going to need a bigger frame(s).
*Evan and I are not done. Nowhere near. Just this weekend we hugged in the kitchen and I said, “Can you believe we’ve been together for 13 years??” He couldn’t. And then we decided to be together for at least four-times as long. Evan did the quick math and I think we’re on the hook until I’m 75-years-old or so.
A Little Woo:
Mercury in Taurus: For a second there, I felt like I got into astrology, because it’s fun. And it is fun! But I remembered I got into it, because it’s the self-reflection I crave. It keeps me in line, honestly. It keeps me honest, actually. So when I read about Mercury being in Taurus via Moon Omens, I was like, “okay, that’s not exactly fun, but I definitely need to hear this and need to do some work on this aspect of my life.”
This is where it really got me:
“During the upcoming days and weeks, we may feel drawn to think more than usual about the management of our finances, material resources, and possessions, and make decisions in these areas. We will reflect on our values, on what we prioritize, and be inclined to think for the long term.”
Quick Hits:
Jam of the Week: Kassa Overall - Make My Way Back Home (feat. Nick Hakim & Theo Croker).
(there was a point when I was childless and gainfully employed and had easy access to all the best jazz bars in Seattle, but that time of life is done. and this song makes me sad about that.)
Segue of the Week: Judged by DJ Yaddy
(Yaddy just lights up the airwaves, so this week’s SOTW was way fun. also, if you’re in Seattle, go watch Yaddy DJ a laser show.)Okay, I Want This Home.
(the colors are perfect.)
I Know I KNOW Fast Fashion Is Bad.
(but the other day I just needed to push Marcelline around in a cart around a Target and drink my Starbucks and get some summer outfit staples.)This Show Makes Me Miss Home.
(the stupid conversations had in cars whilst driving around and doing nothing. cannot wait for season 2, so I can live vicariously… because lord knows I’d never wanna actually do high school again.)This Is The Only Barbie Meme I’m Here For.
(if ya don’t know, now ya know.)
A Friend Sent Me This.
(and now I can only hope and pray someone asks me to hold their phone for the same reason one day… OR I need to be that brave/hilarious.)
12: Done & Not Done.
(a Spotify playlist… go get them other 11, if you haven’t already. also, I’m super moody and missing the 90s, so you might catch that from this playlist.)
It is so awesome being here with you each week. Brightens up your Tuesday, right? RIGHT?? VALIDATE ME. jk, I love you no matter what.
xxo,
Rachel.