I always forget about drugs.
and other things that make me not-cool.
I always forget about drugs. Like I forget that people are doing them or even that they exist.* It’s either just straight-up naivety or a defense mechanism from all the addiction surrounding my life. Regardless of why, it’s usually pretty comical.
Age 34: I was at a King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard concert with three other friends. We were all hanging out inside the venue, having drinks before the band came on. Where we were hanging out, we had a pretty clear view of the single-stall, handicap bathrooms. We watched a guy and a girl go into one of the bathrooms together. And then stay in there for a long time.
Me: Are they having sex in there??
Friend: Rachel. They’re probably doing coke.
Me: Right. I always forget about drugs!
It’s probably good that I don’t know what cocaine is like. From what friends who know me and friends who know what coke is like say, I would have ended up dead in a very fun ditch if I would’ve ever tried it. I was too much of a goody-two-shoes to do it when I was young enough to justify trying it. And now I’m too old, it doesn’t seem worth it. I’m like that part in The Office episode where they find a joint in the parking lot…
I’m Michael.
Age 25: Evan convinced me to go to a Crystal Method concert in Missoula. It was loud. People were dancing their nuts off. On the dance floor, this small, smooth boy in what I remember as a mesh shirt got close to me to yell something in my ear.
Him: Do you have any molly?
Me: What??
Him: DO YOU HAVE ANY MOLLY??!
Me (honestly, earnestly): I DON’T KNOW HER.
Evan still makes fun of me for that one.
These stories are a dime a dozen. (in high school, my super religious self was convinced that some guy at the mall was possessed by a demon. frantically, I asked my friend, “WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE?? HIS EYES WERE ALL RED AND HE WAS ACTING SO STRANGE!” “drugs. he was on drugs, Rachel. not possessed by a demon.”)
There has been a lot of ridiculous moments of not knowing anything about drugs… especially for someone who now likes to pretend she knows a lot about drugs. On my birth plan, I put, “Give me all the drugs—I love doing drugs!” and Evan made me take that part off.
To be fair, it is a pretty bold statement for someone of my experience. It should’ve read, “Give me all the drugs—I love all of the painkillers that have been administered to me in hospitals and I really had fun that one time I did mushrooms!”
Still, I try to play it cool. Especially now that I’m a mom.
I know things! Last Summer, Evan, Marcelline, and I went to Victor, Idaho for a family/friend visit. It was so so wonderful to see friends in that way again. We had some friends over to Evan’s brother and sister-in-law’s house and all ate in the backyard. Evan and I were almost the last of our Jackson friend group to have kids and it was so special to all circle up on the back-porch to enjoy a meal together as friends with all our families. Our niece and nephews with our friends Emma and Trask’s daughters with our toddler of a baby girl. So special.
Most of the friends had lived in Victor about 15 years ago when the city sent out an email? letter? asking residents not to flush sheets down the toilet. Seriously. Everyone was cracking up as Zach, my brother-in-law, described that the city had pulled out a whole bed set of sheets out of the sewer. Gross!
Me (laughing, then surveying the porch with all the kids): You know that someone S-H-A-T the bed from doing too much C-O-K-E and tried to flush it down the toilet.
(everyone kind of quieted down and looked around as I just went back to eating my dinner and drinking my rosé.)
Emma: Rachel, you know that your kid is the only one here who can’t spell, right?
We all burst into laughs. Those poor kids. I’m so sorry. Turns out Auntie Rachel still has no idea what’s going on… even in this phase of life.
I was reminded of this story this past week when I was holding Marcie in my arms as a barista asked for my name for the order.
Me: Marcie.
Marcie: M-A-R-C-I-E
Me: Oh my god, who taught you that??
Guess I’m really gonna have to figure out how to talk about drugs I know nothing about in front of my kid who is definitely old enough to spell now. Cool. Cool cool cool.
*I wish I could forget booze existed… like are there people out there who are like, “oh, I forgot about wine.” what is that like???
A Little Woo:
Let That Shit Go: Seriously. Last night, Marcelline and I were walking home from Soup Date and we walked into our yard and the almost-full moon was just RIGHT THERE. Marcie even said, “Big moon! Like Papa Bring Me the Moon?”
~Today~ is actually the Full Moon in Virgo. I actually always feel pretty chaotic around the time of a full moon, but I was weirdly comforted that this full moon astrology is asking me to let shit go. Let go of emotional stuff, of clutter, of expectations… let go. Today. Just let go. Have your Garden State moment.
Quick Hits:
Jam of the Week: Jessie Ware – Pearls.
(let’s have our disco moments, Millenials/Gen Xers. it’s so good.)
I Can’t Stop Thinking About This Film.
(it was like 45 minutes too long, but it was real good and kind real funny in certain ways. anyone else really looking forward to the Academy Awards on Sunday??)Speaking of Doing C-O-K-E and S-H-I-Tting the Bed…
(Succession is back on March 23, so you best catch up if you haven’t yet and you have an HBO login.)How To Feel Alive Again.
(this article made me happy… but also a little icky in the way that privilege makes me feel sometimes. like, yes, I wanna slow down and enjoy the little things and life and feel my heartbeat again under the moon and stars. what a life. this is the contradiction I am feeling these days. wanting to focus on me and then feeling selfish.)It’s Women’s History Month.
(I love that round-up. also, tomorrow, we’re celebrating all day on KEXP. tune in! I’ll be producing two shows that day, but all of them are gonna sound AMAZING.)
Speaking of KEXP: It’s Segue of the Week.
(I host this segment on KEXP’s Sound & Vision that is called Segue of the Week. it’s where we celebrate having real-life DJs on KEXP who transition from one song to the next in beautiful/funny/awesome ways. so each week, I host a competition of the best segue on KEXP where the winner of last week judges’ the current week. it’s been so much fun and so I’m gonna start including the winners in this newsletter! next week will be a whole thing about SOTW. not sorry!)
This Too Shall Pass…
(and other words on Instagram I needed/wanted to hear.)
You being here is huge. Thank you. I am letting go of a lot of things I didn’t expect I’d let go of in life at this point and I’m so excited to see what it opens up room for. What am I hoping for? More connections with readers, writers, humans, fun people. More connections with my family, my friends, myself.
Still figuring out what this news(love)letter is shaping up to be, but I like where it’s going. THANK YOU for supporting by reading. If you think it’s worthy, please share it with your friends. You rule.
xxo,
rachel.