knees to navel and back.
hair, everywhere.
Around middle school, my mom caught me one time with an “at-home” waxing kit in the bathroom. When she saw it, she just shook her head like that wise old woman at the bar who had seen some stuff in her day and told me, “If I didn’t do anything, I would have pubic hair from my knees to my navel.”
It’s the curse of our dark-haired Irish and German roots. Light skin, thick black hair from the nose down, thin brown hair on our heads. Cool. Cool cool cool. I have thought about my mom saying “knees to navel” almost every day of my life since, because almost every day of my life since I have taken some sort of de-hairing precaution with my body.
At Summer camp one year, a group of girls did a contest to see who could go without shaving their legs the longest. Literally the first day after the start, friends asked me if I started earlier than the rest of them. Nope! I just have to shave my legs every day, if I’m gonna wear shorts. And by “have to” I mean, “thanks, patriarchy!”… but I do like the feeling, too, so… both our faults?
On a beach trip last year, a friend was shocked to find out that I shave my legs every day and told me, “Okay, you gotta save your gold and go get laser hair removal.”
A couple months before our big trip to Europe, I went to a consultation at a laser hair removal place. How nice it would be to not have to worry about that aspect of hygiene on our trip. I’d be walking around Europe footloose and fancy free like some kind of… man… who never has to think about this shit.
The tiny dark haired woman at the laser removal place sat me down in an office and told me that these procedures (like a lot of them!) was exactly what I needed in my life. I hadn’t shaved my legs in a day and a half, to show her exactly what we were dealing with, but she didn’t even look. Instead, she told me that they could also take care of the hair on my lip and chin.
Ohhhhkay, Laser Lady. While I let my leg and good china hair grow out to a spectacular length, I actually tried pretty hard to make sure my face looked naturally hairless for today.
It reminded me of my mom, who had recently finished chemotherapy and was waiting for her hair to grow back. One day she texted me that she finally had some hairs!… on her chin. Really, life? These are the first to come back?
The Laser Lady gave me a quote that made me gulp. Embarrassed that I was out of my depths financially, I told her that I would get back to her and thanked her for her time. I really did want to think about it, so she gave me a Post-It with the quote, which lived in our car for a while.
It didn’t feel right to drop two grand on vanity right before quitting my job and bleeding money across Europe. So I travelled while hairy.
It’s hard coming back after a big trip like we did, but coming back to Seattle, I was excited about two things:
Seeing my mom, who was staying in our place for the Summer
This is my second year to do the race and I was just so excited to come back and do it again. The logistics of this trip are not my strong suit, so—especially this year—I had all my stuff packed up and set out like a little kid waiting to be picked up by their step-parent to go fishing for the weekend. A friend/teammate picked me up in Seattle and we chatted the whole way to the ferry in Anacortes. Running through my head, I mentally made sure that I had everything I needed. But half-way to the ferry, I felt a thick black hair on my chin. “Dammit! How did I miss this?” I thought. “Did I bring tweezers??” I did not. I thought maybe I’d sneakily grab a pair when we went to do our big grocery store shop as a team.
Our team is an amazing crew of women and we stay at our captain’s—Rebecca’s—incredible place on the island.
Orcas is a hard place to describe. It’s feels like this historic place, beautifully haunted by ancestors with more strength than you can imagine. While also feeling like—at any moment—Harry Styles might ride a bike up to you and ask you to whittle him something. And, because of the power of Orcas Island, you’re somehow able to pull out a knife from the back-pocket of your bespoke overalls and a piece of driftwood from the front-pocket and whittle him a goat figurine. He’d look at you in approval and say, “You know Oprah’s gonna want a few of these for herself.” (apparently Oprah owns half of Orcas, although she recently sold her home there.)
After buying some homemade soaps and perusing highly-expensive pottery, we went to the island grocery shop to get meals for the next few days. Friday night at the Orcas Island grocery shop feels like a see-and-be-seen event. The place was bustling with tourists and locals and runners. I was tasked with grabbing pasta sauce for the team and after I grabbed it, I thought about sneaking to find if there were tweezers anywhere for my facial hair situation—feeling like it was a telltale hair of my despair.
While weaving around people to try and find the cosmetics aisle, I stopped in my tracks as I saw two locals talking—an older man and woman. This woman was a beautiful and so striking. You couldn’t help but look at her. She looked so much like Cherry Jones that I Googled “Cherry Jones Orcas Island” later that night to no avail.
But one thing was very different about this woman—she had a very scraggly, very white goatee. No mustache, but long hairs flowing off of her chin. And she didn’t look bothered at all. She looked beautiful—chatting along with her friends with her bright eyes and captivating smile. I could tell that she hadn’t let body and facial hair take up copious amounts of space in her head for every single day of her past decades.
I opted out of finding tweezers and hoped to channel some of her confidence and beauty through my life.
Later that evening, back at our home base, the sun set and dusk settled in for the night.
At almost dinner time, we heard a bang on the window. A bird. They often fly into the large windows of Rebecca’s home. I jumped up to go see. Rebecca called out, “They are usually just stunned for a bit and fly off again!”
I stared at this sweet little bird on the porch, stunned for sure. I tried to will her to shake loose and look at me with eyes of assured health before she flew off. But, instead, in a moment of heartbreak, I watched her slowly close her eyes while her little, long legs released what they had left in them. She died.
I stared at her and just thought of all the fragility of life. And I’m out here worried about a chin hair. I thought about how the fu manchu-ed Cherry Rose would probably have a beautiful ceremony for this bird or the right words to say to the bird, to herself, to her friends setting the dinner table. I had nothing. I said a silent goodbye to the bird and ate dinner and then ran the next day with friends through this beautiful island and jumped in a lake and I don’t think anyone noticed my chin hair… or even the impressive stubble from my navel down to my knees.
A Little Woo:
Time To Break Out The Neil Young: That’s right! Friday is a supermoon AND a Harvest Moon. It’s a full moon in Aries, which at first sounded terrifying to me, because… well, #Aries. But this full moon on Friday, September 29th, is all about endings—in a good way. I love love what that article says and feel this excerpt deeply in my soul:
"As every full moon does, [the harvest full moon in Aries] brings the need to balance the energy of two zodiac signs, which in this case is the energy of the sun in Libra and the moon in Aries," Montúfar explains. "This axis is all about creating awareness about having healthy relationships, while still having an overall feeling of individuality and true authenticity.
May you create your own awareness around healthy relationships while feeling your true authenticity shine through. Anything else? Girl, let it go. Now is the time.
Quick Hits:
Jam of the Week: Tirzah – No Limit.
(I went on a walk with my friend Isabel yesterday and she told me about how Tirzah is her favorite artist of all time and now I, too, am obsessed with her new album. she’ll be here Oct 16.)
This Film Opens on Friday at SIFF.
(I have no words about how powerful these stories seem.)We Talked A Lot About Fun This Weekend.
(“funtervention” anyone?)Okay, I’m Real Into This Collection.
(got myself this bag.)
Fall Fashion Has Me Wanting To Listen To This Podcast Again.
(oh so preppy.)This Tickles My Ex-Christian Funny Bone.
(so true.)I Sent This To Evan, But Now I Watch It Everyday For My Own Mental Health.
(why is it so good.)
Ahhhh, Autumn. Thank you for cozying up and reading this with me and just being there. You’re amazing. I’m hoping you have the best week.
xxo,
rachel.