leaning into my lean year.
happy new year, friends!
Happy New Year, you beautiful being you!!
Evan (my husband) and I talk a lot about lean years and fat years. We look back to early in our relationship, when we used to make our own kombucha and Evan wrapped Christmas gifts in fabric that he would then use to make things out of… Those were the “lean years.”
Then we look to when we first moved to Seattle and were D.I.N.K.s—Double Income No Kids. I literally had a therapist tell me just to order food in every night for Evan and me so that I could accomplish my goals outside of my well-paying job and not have to cook or clean up. So I kind of did! Evan and I traveled a ton and spent money like assholes… Those were the “fat years.”
2023, we used the money we had saved in fat years to have an absolutely gluttonous year. For a full quarter of the year, we didn’t work, but we did travel. Fatty fat fat fat.
But 2024, by all observations of anyone paying attention, has to be a lean year. And I think this reality would’ve scared me in the past—wait. I can’t order guac? wait. I CAN’T ORDER?? Because a lot of things in life and society tell you that each year has to get fatter and fatter. Your bank account will get bigger and bigger. Your home will get bigger and bigger. Your family. Your accomplishments. Your life. So thinking about my upcoming lean year, I thought about how much less I will have.
And then I thought back to Evan and me in those lean days. Those days without Instagram, without 401Ks, without ski passes, without much… Those nights without restaurant dinners, without HBO, without Spotify Premium, without much… Those times without much were everything. We had way more kitchen dance parties. Way more adventures in the mountains. Way more vinyl spinning. Way more satisfying meals. Way more time spent side-by-side. Way more time together. That is my hope for this lean year. More of these mornings with Marcelline…
These beautiful times together are everything. I’m not afraid of the leanness anymore. Because even though money and spending will be lean, our life will be big. I am determined to have a big life with big leaps.
And y’all know me. It’s a new year, so of course I’m the kind of person who does resolutions. I do love the IN & OUT trend of what you’re bringing in for 2024 and what you’re showing out, but I am not doing that. BECAUSE as a part of the major spiritual growth-spurt that writing a memoir-esque book has given me, I’ve realized just what a black or white personality I have. I was super religious for a while, because there HAD to be a right and wrong. And when I left the Church, I went the other way so hard. I’m realizing more and more how these tendencies have always been with me and I want to make more and more space for opposing things to exist together. So while I want “GRAPEFRUITS FOR BREAKFAST” and “GRATITUDE LISTS” IN for my 2024, I have a harder time with the OUTS. This poem is basically my IN FOR 2024:
One of my group texts (yes, I have a few… omg, did y’all know? does it feel like I’m cheating on you now?? no, y’all knew. we all have a few by this point now, right?) does a list of 22 Goals for 2022 or 23 Goals for 2023… and on. I am still working on my 24 Goals for 2024… and I’m not sure if I would even share them with y’all at this point of the big plans, but I feel pretty proud of how my 23 for 2023 turned out…
24. and 25. were obvious late additions and should’ve never added them as to keep my average up.
I am ready to lean into the bigness of a lean year. I am ready to write like a motherfucker. I am ready to run my ass off. I am ready to laugh with friends and dance with family and connect with artists and be unapologetically excited about it all.
Hyping myself up for the heartbreak and exhaustion of major edits to my book, my budget, my benders, and my life.
A Little Woo:
Fools Jump In: Okay, for this one I’m totally ducking out and telling you to go read Caroline Donofrio’s brilliant piece. Not only did I love how she talked about what she learned in 2023, but I love how she talks about one of my favorite cards of the tarot—The Fool. The first card in the deck. The fool’s journey… the leap!
The Fool wants us to start right here, right now — exactly as we are.
What would you do if you knew you could not fail?
What would you do if failing didn’t matter?
Readiness is a myth, this card tells us. Preparation is often overrated. Surety is but a fable. We might lack knowledge or experience. But the Fool has never let this stop them, and they don’t think you should, either. Begin, this card whispers. Start, bolstered by the knowledge that you can figure it out as you go.
The Fool is often characterized by ignorance. But that, like the card’s very name, is an unfair assessment. This is a card about openness.
It makes me think of another beautiful Substack post my friend sent me a couple weeks ago. Love this starting and this newness. GET IT, Y’ALL!
Quick Hits:
Jam of the Week: Stayin’ Alive ! Chris Version – Christine and the Queens.
(I love this cover of a song I don’t really like. Christine and the Queens is so weird and cool and sexy and strange and I love love this video.)
OKAY I WATCHED SALTBURN AND CANNOT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT.
(Mom, don’t watch that movie. omg, the Golden Globes are this weekend and I have so many movies to watch. good news is I’ve basically seen all of the TV. ever.)WHOA How Cool Are These.
(all the rest of the links are Instagram, because that’s where my head’s at.)
Is This Dessert Our Lovechild?
(olive oil cake is one of my absolute favorites. [I don’t like things too sweet.] Evan’s favorite is a chocolate [raspberry] tort. this dessert might be our jam! bonus: it’s dairy and egg free… just like our actual lovechild. [Marcelline is allergic to dairy, eggs, peanuts, and cashews.])A Newsletter I ALWAYS Save.
(they know how to do a story/vision board better than any of them. I basically gasp every time I get one of their emails—it’s so beautiful.)Oh Wow I Just Discovered This Artist.
(I love this painting.)LOL.
(this is what I truly think would happen if anyone ever tried to kidnap Marco and me together. GOOD LUCK, KIDNAPPER.)
Next time I “see” you, it’ll be 2024. I hope you had a great day yesterday—whether or not you celebrate Christmas. I hope you’re leaning in to who you are and it feels good there. Sending you love and the weird vibes that are actually awesome!
xxo,
rachel.