looking directly at it.

and it's blinding.

What’s happening in Gaza right now is absolutely abhorrent. It’s been in the periphery of my days for weeks now with me not being able to look directly at it.

On Saturday, Evan told me, “We’ll be able to see some of the eclipse and it’s not too cloudy out there! Let’s go!” We know we have eclipse glasses somewhere around here, but honestly they’re probably in our 1991 Volkswagen Vanagon (aka our first-line storage unit) or our storage unit (a new development since the trip this summer). Instead of searching for glasses, Evan made a pinhole camera (which he kept calling a “camera obscura”, which meant I had this song stuck in my head for two days) and we headed out to the bike path by our home.

Evan held the camera obscura and I held Marcie’s hand and looked up straight at the sun. “Ahh, so bright!”

“Rachel. You can’t look directly at an eclipse. That’s why we have this!” Evan held up his pimped out cereal box.

I blinked the brightness out, but still saw the impressions of the eclipse in my site of everything I looked at.

Embarrassingly, “not looking directly at it” has been my M.O. for a lot of news. I don’t wanna dig too deep into J.K. Rowling’s transphobia, because her books meant so much to me for a big part of my life. I don’t want to look directly at it. For months, I didn’t watch the video of George Floyd dying, calling out for his mama… I couldn’t watch it. I couldn’t look directly at it for months. Maybe even a year. Maybe even more than that.

And now it’s been ten days since a terrorist attack happened in Israel. Hamas murdered Israelis and kidnapped hostages—tearing families apart. Now Israel has now counter-attacked the Palestinian-occupied Gaza Strip over and over. I’m looking directly at it, now. I’m embarrassed it took more than a week to do so.

What’s going on: https://www.bbc.com/news/world-middle-east-67039975

A heartbreaking post from a mom sending her child to Hebrew school in NY:

Day of Living

Gabriel Teodros (who I always look to when anything is happening in Palestine) has a beautiful radio piece and post about the genocide happening in front of our eyes:

A new mix of music, all for Palestine

As much as I can as a white woman who is not Jewish or Muslim and am sitting in the safety of my Seattle home, I’m looking directly at what’s happening in Gaza. It’s unspeakable. Israel is bombing Gaza and telling one million people (half who are children. CHILDREN.) that they have to evacuate, because they’re about to destroy every single part of the land they call home—nothing will survive. But there is nowhere to go. My heart sinks and my stomach drops. Everything I look at now has that bright overlay of the intensity of what I just looked directly at. I look at my kid and see what’s happening in Gaza overlaid. Families being torn apart. People dying. Children. My heart aches.

---

Quick Hits:

• Jam of the Week: Earl Sweatshirt x The Alchemist – Vin Skully.

  (as soon as this song ends, I play it again… at least three times in a row, because it should be at least three times as long. Earl Sweatshirt’s album VOIR DIRE is out now and wow—his best work yet?)

• A Documentary To Watch Tonight.
  (Slingshot Hip Hop will give you an idea of what’s going on with Palenstine and the Gaza Strip for forever. this doc is from 2008, but still so powerful.)

• Reading This Book For Research.
  (and pleasure.)

• Humanhood Is Complicated.
  (this podcast had me crying. also, my favorite podcast is back! loved this ep, too. the middle school throwback of it all!)

• “Do I Like It? No. Do I Watch It? Absolutely.”

  (my answer to a friend’s text about this show. it is horrible and I’ve watch every episode and will engage in passionate conversation about it, if you’re down.)

• Is This The Perfect Fall-Uniform Sweater?

  (cuz I’m looking to fool people into thinking I have my shit together by constantly wearing a cozy grey sweater and this red lipstick.)

• I Cried-Laughing Through This Whole Show.

  (it was so nice to go see live stand-up. cannot wait until it’s a streaming show. highly recommend any of Nate Bargatze’s other shows.)

• Live Look Of Me Trying To Stay Fit To Stave Off Depression This Fall.

  (spoiler: it’s working!)

• I Love This Kid.

  (art marketing at its finest.)

• LOL.

  (manifesting at its finest.)

Thank you for being here. I’m sending you love and wishing we could hug and also asking you to look directly at what’s happening these days. It’s not easy, but it is happening.

xxo,
rachel.