Maryland feels fake. Or at least St. Michaels—where Marcelline and I visited this weekend—feels fake. I forgot yards like Missy and Jim’s existed. The sunlight was perfect. Things felt still in a calming way, not a creepy way. Everything kind of felt like you were on a movie set, in between takes—maybe everyone was taking a long lunch.
The trip was beyond random. I had a companion ticket I needed to use by April 30th and sent out feelers to family and loved ones and realized I’ve never been to Maryland and that’s where Evan’s beloved aunt and uncle—Missy and Jim—live. Evan and I got married in a semi-elopement style, so I actually hadn’t met his aunt and uncle. But I have wanted to meet them! And their two beautiful dogs. It was time. I mean, Missy and Jim even gave Marcie Roary—the stuffed lion Marcie is obsessed with.
So we traveled across the country. This weekend was needed. The slower pace. Marcie and I slept until 10:30am one morning! (yeah, okay, maybe we were still on west coast time, but still.) Maryland—for me, at least—is wine-fueled evenings of family yore/gossip, watching shooting stars on the deck, eating Justine’s, swimming in brackish water, small-town cuteness, and rich dads on their cell phones.
The first playground of the weekend, there was a dad sitting in his car taking a phone call and a kid—about 8-years-old or so—just laying down in the wood chips, under the bridge. When we went to brunch (umm, I had crab cake eggs benedict and almost fainted it was so good) and there were TWO MORE DADS on their phones while their kids sat/ate/stared off into nothingness. And I realized that these businessmen are likely on kid-duty for the weekend. Many high-powered D.C. people have places in St. Michaels and I think these are how single dads do weekends with the kids. It made me sad, but I loved the repeat-offending of it all. Like all these kids would find each other hiding under bridges at playgrounds or see each other across the restaurant and know they’re not alone.
In another life, I feel like I could’ve been one of these dads. I was never going to be a politician. But I was ob-sessed with my job… my career… for so many years. Debatably, I still am, but NOTHING like I used to be. My sister and her daughter stayed with us in Bozeman, Montana for a few months while she was trying to rebuild her life and when she relapsed and wrote us a letter, she made a point to tell me she thinks I’m working too much and that I should be graceful with myself. I was like, “bitch, you’re on drugs! don’t tell me how to live my life!” But then I remembered back to when Evan, my sister, and my niece would bring me dinner at work and we’d sit in the car and I would just stress-talk about all the different clients who needed things from me. I saw Sarah look at me with worry and I saw my niece just wanting us all to be together.
This weekend, I was so happy to not be one of those dads. I was grateful for getting laid off five years ago. I was grateful for draining through all our savings to go to Europe. I’m grateful for the pause or side-step in a career to be irresponsible enough to go on a trip with my daughter for a long weekend where I didn’t have to be on a business call once.
I’m sure things will be different again someday. I go into projects with passion and vigor that consumes me. But not right now. Not this weekend. No business calls. Cuz it’s you and me, kid. I’m here, family. I’m ready for crab cakes and wine and I’m making us look for shooting stars.
Quick Hits:
Jam of the Week: Kendrick Lamar – euphoria.
(the song everyone is talking about. it’s a six-minute diss track aimed at Drake and it did not pull any punches!)
Devoured This Show.
(and now I can’t stop trying to find the real people online… I know I shouldn’t.)
Started This Book.
(loving it thus far.)Every Woman I Know Is Buying These Pants.
(do I need them, too? me trying to figure it out.)I Love Spring And Photography.
(these are a few of my favorite things.)
Do Y’all Go To Dance Church??
(it’s only in in Seattle, Austin, LA, Philly, and Brooklyn… but it’s so good for the soul. I wept last week when I went. have also done the virtual ones and loved them, too.)Um, Yes, This Was Me As A Kid.
(growing up in the church!)
At the buzzer, but I got a Messayist out today. Woohoo! This morning I was in Maryland… and y’all… that place is a long ways from Seattle. Big ol’ country out there!
xxo,
rachel.