miss me?

a break. not breaking.

December is kinda bonkers, right?? It sneaks up on you! It’s so dark, yet dons so many lights. If you’re a part of capitalism in America, it’s buying and selling time. If you’re part of the part of capitalism that’s like, it’s for the people… aka nonprofits… it’s END OF YEAR time. And if you’re just trying to be a human who shows love and breathes and shows up, December is difficult.

A few days ago, I thought, “I don’t have it in me. I can’t do a Messayist for a week… no, I can’t do it for two weeks!” I knew I needed a break, so that I didn’t break. I knew that I was about to implode just like I do every single year about the Christmas gifts for all our loved ones. I had just had a peer-review of the first 30 pages of my book. (not stressful at all.) Evan was out of town this weekend, so I was solo-parenting. I’m leaving in a couple days for a NYC trip with one of my best friends to just do. it. up. And the cherry on top is that I had my “work party” holiday party tonight. In that, I don’t have a work party to go to, but my Wednesday Jumpers decided to do a holiday party and a Secret Santa gift-exchange. That was tonight. We went to the Fairmont and found a table at what we kept joking was the “board room table.” Half-way through drinks, I looked at a friend who I know is a subscriber and said, “Oh my god, I totally forgot to do a Messayist today.” I literally forgot. I wanted to tell y’all about it. I wanted to tell y’all that I’m taking a break this week and next. I need a break, so that I don’t break. Just for two weeks. But I forgot to tell you I’m breaking. We are not on a break. I don’t think those ever really work out. I mean, maybe! But they’ve never worked for me. We’re not taking a break. I just need a rest. I promise we’ll laugh and dance and gossip again together soon. Know that my board meeting went well tonight. You’re in good hands, you little weirdo. (not that you’re in my hands in any regard… but I know you’re weird, because I feel like we’re friends and I like to pretend I’m on an imaginary board of advisors in your life that keeps telling life to be amazing to you.)

Our gifts to each other were so beautiful and fun. I mean—when’s the last time you had a Secret Santa gift?? But I didn’t expect the spontaneous “What are your plans for 2024?” to get so real and so beautiful and so relatable and so wonderful between us all. We’re all in such different places with love and home ownership and our relationships with our parents and with our family building and it all still felt so real and communal around that board room table. They were the moments you hope for when you hope for community. And then I came home and was like, “I don’t think that I got a photo of my whole outfit! Evannnnnnn…”

My aunt Judy sent me this skirt in June. She sent me a few boxes of ah-mazing vintage clothing from the 70s and 80s that were just taking up room in her closet. This skirt still had the tags on it. $21. In 1978. I love it.

I love you. Keep listening to whatever music you love, but know that every time I hear anything from the new Black Puma’s album, I get excited:

But also, does everyone else think they’re about to hear this song, when it starts?

If you’re looking for new music or just literal music—albums—you want to listen to in your life, look at Evie’s Top Ten on KEXP.

And I don’t have my Quick Hits, because… again… what the hell day is it?? but I wanna thank y’all for being here. I know there are a handful of new subscribers who are like, “okay, cool… worst suggestion ever.” But I’m pretty cool, once you get to know me. I show my boobies a weird amount and tell you secrets at the right cadence. I remind you of the funniest holiday content and I want you to see this wonderfully hilarious/religious video about being kind to yourself and also when I get famous, I would like to wear this outfit please and also I wanna stay in this Santa Barbara home and also this is what I will sing to your/my plants and also I have these ready to go in case you wanna invite me to an event and also I love this kid and also why does everyone keep sending me this?

So, it’s not exactly the same Messayist you’re used to, but it’s something. Hours late, dollars short, but still here. I’m reminded of my BFF, Lisa, when she was Miss Understood for Halloween our freshman year of high school. I was so so impressed. She had a sash. She had smeared lipstick. She had attitude. I LOVED it. When I realized I had legit FORGOTTEN to do a news(love)letter, I thought about the phrase, “miss me?” and then thought of myself as a beauty queen with a sash: Miss Me. This is me. I forgot. I had some drinks. Sometimes I’m sober. Sometimes I’m not. This is me. Miss Me. Miss me? This is me.

If you’re feeling like you want your Tuesdays to always have this news(love)letter sliding into your DMs inbox, you know what to do.

Happy December, y’all. Remember to take your Zoloft! And cuddle in with your loved ones. And be kind to yourself. December is hard… no matter how you slice it. See you in a couple weeks… after I go ham on Greenwich Village with one of my best friends in the world.

xxo,
Rachel.