newness and nakedness.
warning: there's a nipple in here.
I have a friend who, a while ago, told me about how he was going to nudist get-togethers. He was going over to a stranger’s house to get naked and like play board games with people. He said he liked that it took the sexual stigma out of the naked body. And I was like, “YOU SHOULD’VE HUNG OUT WITH ME AND MY FRIENDS IN OUR EARLY 20s!” But then I started to think about what a privilege it is to be naked and feel safe and accepted by all who are around. How—as a woman—my body is sexualized at every turn. I’m never wearing the right thing. I could be “asking for it” with shorts too short or a shirt too tight. Seeing my nipples or my upper thigh or even my ass-cheeks is an invitation? No. Fuck no. It’s a moment of liberation. One where I feel safe enough to exhale and let my body do the same—breathe.
In my early 20s, I remember specifically climbing at a crag near the river in Yosemite and then swimming after climbing. Guys, girls, we all swam naked and then sunned ourselves out on a boulder to dry off. I’m not gonna lie to you—I looked at all the penises… penisi? But nothing was sexual… not in the least. There was a lot of nakedness in my wilder days, but my wilder days were mostly in the actual wilderness of Yosemite, Wyoming, and Montana.
This nudist friend lived in a big city. And—good point—how are you supposed to get naked in a city?? I live in a city now. I hardly get naked outside my home.
In 2023, I’ve already been naked three times of note… twice out of my home… once inside it…
Naked to celebrate a friend’s birthday at a nake-nake spa.
We rented out a place downtown and eight women got naked and talked and laughed and soaked in a hot tub and did a cold plunge and sat in a sauna. One friend didn’t get naked, actually and that was totally fine! You do you! One friend showed off her new boob—she recently had a bout with breast cancer. I think prosthetics like that are so cool. (obviously, I married a guy with a fake eye.) So beautiful. It was something special, being all naked together in downtown Seattle.
And I hate it, but so many of my friends and I have talked about “wanting to hate our body” less. Why do we do this to ourselves? I don’t have an answer.
Naked in a locker-room… as god herself intended.
After going to Seattle’s best workout class (okay, maybe the best workout class PERIOD? it’s Music Video Spin with Chelsea at Flow Fitness), I found myself in a locker-room at a gym for the first time in three years. The class was a benefit for KEXP AND it was a dear friend’s birthday, so I knew a handful of people in the class. But there is something special about chatting with strangers and friends while being butt-ass naked. A conversation:
Friend: My daughter is kinda afraid of men.
Me: Yeah, I feel like Marcie doesn’t trust men.
Stranger: Fair enough, though! I don’t trust men either!
All of Us: *laughing together… naked.*
Naked as I cut my hair.
I got out of the shower one morning this week and decided I wanted bangs. I had already put lotion all over my naked body and then decided I was going to cut my own hair. I don’t exactly why this impulse came over me, but I’m sure it’s something about control issues… we’ll never know…
Of course, my naked body was then covered in hair that felt glued to me… so I had to shower again. And then I felt like I needed to cut more hair… naked, still… and then I was covered in hair again*… so another shower.
In a moment of clarity of the situation, in my bathroom, I started laughing and smiling back at myself in the mirror. All at once I felt 20-year-old Rachel was with 37-year-old Rachel and 80-year-old Rachel was also happy to be there, witnessing this joy and ridiculousness—all held in this body. This naked body. This wonderful body. That has homed a daughter I cherish dearly. This body. That has held a baby who couldn’t stay. This body that has run hundreds of miles and climbed a handful of mountains. This body that has danced in so many kitchens. This body that has held hands so with so many loves and felt the heartbeat of a friend on her chest through a hug. This body that has sunned itself on the rocks in Yosemite. This body. That has been naked in the wild and hopes will swim naked so much more in the days, years to come. This body.
And here in this weird world, I bare all on the internet and then I’m gonna be modest when it comes to a nip of freedom? No… no. We’re here together, soaking up life together. Swimming in it all. Drying off in the sun.
*And no, I’m not going to show you a picture of this haircut. Just picture Liz Lemon in the Dealbreakers episode of 30 Rock.
Jack: "You got a haircut..."
Liz: "I got three haircuts. The first two made me look crazy."
I am Liz, who is Tina.
Also, I gave you a nipple. Don’t be greedy.
A Little Woo:
A False Start, A New Moon, A New Year: I didn’t send out a newsletter last week… I just straight-up forgot. That’s what the Mercury retrograde did to me. It made me feel like I didn’t know where I was, where I was going. Tomorrow (January 21, 2023) is a New Moon in Aquarius. Mercury is out of retrograde. Here’s what you could be feeling:
creative genius, helping humanity, elevated consciousness, renewed mindset, freedom, sudden breakthroughs, inclusivity, inventiveness, sacred rebellion, revelation, revolution.
The Lunar New Year also comes this weekend, bringing newness and the Year of the Rabbit, which I feel so excited/hopeful for.
Tomorrow is also the eleven year anniversary of my ski accident—where I thought I might die. January 21st is my new year.
I used to make a bigger deal of this anniversary: FOUR, FIVE, SIX.
It has always been a time to look back on the year and define it, close the chapter, move on, move forward. Last year was filled with so much stopping and so much caring. I had to slow down and look hard at my family, myself, where I was putting my energy and what needed actual physical care. It was a hard year and I am stoked to close the chapter, hopefully take a naked baptism in the ocean tomorrow, and move on. This year will be good. There will be adventure. There will be vulnerability. There will be opening myself and my heart in ways I haven’t done before. I am scared. I am excited. I am ready.
Quick Hits:
Jam of the Week: Arlo Parks – Weightless.
(Arlo Parks said, “‘Weightless’ surrounds the painful experience of caring deeply about someone who only gives you tiny breadcrumbs of affection. It’s about suddenly realising that a person has dulled your edges and embarking on the slow journey back to being a brighter version of yourself.” omg, ouch my heart how is that so true?)
This Movie Destroyed Me.
(weirdly, I wasn’t attracted to Paul Mescal at all in this film. I chalk it up to him being an incredible actor and also not feeling sexual about things that are not meant to be sexual… I feel like we were JUST talking about this. regardless, I made it 95% through the movie dry-eyed and then was crying just so hard. this one got me in the feels.)This Has Changed My Thoughts About the Future.
(I don’t think it was meant to do that, but it has me thinking a lot about intentional living, meditation, and the future.)The Poem In This Post.
(highly recommend her Substack.)More Amazing Nakedness.
(yes, the kid sued later. I hate that part of this story.)10: stripping down, starting over.
(a Spotify playlist for this newness. for subtle dances at the bus stop. for loving yourself and being proud of the small courages of doing this damn life.)
Thank you for being here. I’m still not sure why I’m doing this or why you’re here when you could be literally millions of other places on this weird world wide web of trappings… but it means so much to me. Thank you.
xxo,
rachel.
Glad to have you back in the saddle. 👊