road raging.
with the best of them.
I am driving more than I ever have these days. It’s some combination of the rain and being the stay-at-home parent and Marcelline’s school now being across town and finally having these seat covers that make me love the interior of our car. With driving (instead of biking or busing), comes so much more radio listening and Spotify listening and podcast listening. With Marcie in the car, there are many impassioned sing-a-longs to this song and me reaching back to squeeze her little thigh and say, “Une petite baguette s'il vous plaît!” And we laugh and laugh. Also, driving anywhere means almost a guaranteed sleeping babe.
But with driving there’s also so much more of… well… road rage. I don’t know what comes over me. I don’t know why I become who I do.
Have you seen Beef? (you gotta watch Beef.)
It’s incredible. It basically swept the Golden Globes. When Beef won “Best Limited Series” and during Lee Sung Jin (the creator)’s acceptance speech, he told us that Beef is based on a real-life road rage incident. “I'd be remiss not to thank that driver,” Lee said. “Sir, I hope you honk and yell and inspire others for years to come.”
On Saturday, I drove Marcelline down to Seward Park for a mental health walk whilst she scootered all around. Evan met us down there after going on a big road bike ride. (he does that now… y’all, he’s getting SO fit.) On the drive down I-5 South, I noticed how I-5 North was at an absolute stand-still. I realized that evening why that was.
I can’t stop thinking about this video. This protest. And not for the reasons that I should be ruminating on it: Ijeoma’s incredible speech—yes, I also have thought of that again. How there is a genocide happening in Gaza—we HAVE to be vocal about a cease-fire NOW. These are the things I should be thinking about over and over, but instead here are the things I am wondering about:
How does a highway protest start?
Who is the first person to run out onto the highway to stop traffic?
How does that person get chosen?? The short straw??
Okay, my best guess is that some protesters drive in cars at the same time and then just all slowly stop, right?? RIGHT??
Do the people who are stuck in traffic join the protest?
If so, how far back do you think the joiners-in go? Like 20 cars back? FARTHER??
Do any people just leave their cars in the highway and like walk home?
Do any of the people stuck in their cars for the protest make friends with each other?
These are my questions.
Yesterday, I was driving Marcelline home from school and took a right turn on red into the left lane. A car turning from the other side of the street came right up on my ass and laid on the horn. At first I was like, okay, Am I The Ass-Hole for turning into the left lane on a red? I feel like I can admit when I’m in the wrong. But then this car honked AGAIN and sped all around past us and then into the left lane and back into the right lane WITHOUT A BLINKER and I was like, “Okay, this person succcccks.” We hit a red light and I knew we were going to pull up passed this car. So I told Marcie, “I’m just gonna pull up here and take a good look at this fun person…” And then turned to the car, saw the woman (younger than me, haggard… probably like me, and all amped up). She looked at me, I made eye-contact with her and mouthed (so Marcie wouldn’t hear me) the words, “FUCK YOU.”
I know! I’m not proud! I don’t know why I’m like this. Maybe it’s because my own mother never engaged in any form of road rage whatsoever. I remember her coming home and telling my dad about something an asshole driver did to her on the road and my dad would say, “You know, in instances like that it’s okay to give them one of these.” (he’d put up his middle finger.) And my mom would gasp, “Jim! No.”
I’m a Road Rage vigilante for my mom now, I guess. I’m Danny from Beef in this situation. The other lady was Amy. 100%. Because she came back up past us as the light went green, she had her window fully down and was yelling, “YOU MOTHERFUCKER YOU *%&@(#%&@#($ (#@%#(***#(%&*…” I couldn’t hear much else, because we drove off the other way. This is where we parted ways.
Still thinking about the I-5 protest, I thought…
What if we had been going the same way and kept up this feud for many more streets, lights, and neighborhoods? Would I calm down or heat up? What if we ended up on I-5?(side note: I would NEVER feud on the highway. I basically think of Dee in Clueless in my brain every time I drive on the highway.)
What if we ended up on I-5 and then had to come screeching to a halt, slamming on our breaks in that scary way that makes you skid, because there were a group of protesters who believe in something bigger than themselves putting their lives on the line. What if we had to stop our cars and get out and face each other. Would we talk it out? Would I admit that I was a little wrong, but tell her she needs to not honk and also use a turn-signal. Would I admit that I really shouldn’t do shit like this, because I lately feel like I’m always low-key going to have a heart-attack and I always make any doctor tell me I have a healthy-enough heart.
Would we join the protest? I would hope so. Would we agree how important we both think these protesters work is. Would we admit to each other how little we actually call our representatives and demand a cease-fire, even though we both truly believe that needs to happen. Would we start chanting side-by-side? Would I remember that I have a kid in the car and put her on my shoulders?
Would we become friends? Would we sit on the front of her shitty silver car and look up at the blue in the sky, grateful for the beautiful day. Would we put on the radio and talk about our favorites. Would we talk about how we both think that Lizzo was absolutely fucked over and if we canceled every white man for being a hard person to work for, we are gonna have to stop sharing Jimmy Fallon bits on Instagram and stop playing 75% of the music and stop watching 75% of the films and movies.
Would we talk about our families? Would I say, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have mouthed that to you. I had my daughter in the car. She’s somehow still sleeping in the back of my car.” Would she say, “Did you notice which way I was going? It was towards the Children’s Hospital. I was going to see my own child who was in the hospital. But we’re here now. On the highway instead. Talking about Lizzo.” Would I start crying as I tell her that I am far too familiar with that panicked drive to Seattle Children’s. So much so that early last year, in the passenger seat, while Evan was driving in the general area of the hospital, I had a full-on anxiety attack and couldn’t breathe. Would she put her hand on mine? Would I feel her skin, warmer than anticipated, and then hold her hand boyfriend-girlfriend style… not mitten style. Would we remember we’re humans at the end of it all. Just in time for the protesters to clear and for me to slide off the hood of her car and us promise each other we’ll call Congress and tell each other—as we’re both getting behind the wheels of our cars—to “Take care of yourself and your family! See you around.”
A Little Woo:
Look In Here: Even if you feel like you don’t have anything in the emotional bank, you need to pay attention to your feelings during this New Moon in Capricorn on Thursday, January 11th. It’s time to really invest in your goals and what you want in this one precious life in this one year of (hopefully, but not likely) 100. This article is straight to the point:
If you’re unexplainably motivated to pursue a goal, this is not a coincidence, as the sun’s journey through Capricorn heralds a time of determination and focused ambition. Consider what you’re hoping to achieve and accomplish.
Spend time meditating and listening to your inner self. What do you want? What do you know you can do? Do it.
Quick Hits:
Jam of the Week: Sheer Mag – Moonstruck.
(I’m obsessed with this song and this band. they feel like the cheeky, grungy friends I would meet down at Add-A-Ball and laugh really hard with. this music feels familiar and fun.)
You Can Take The Girl Out Of Marketing, But…
(I truly love good branding. thank you, Anne, for sharing that branding/marketing roundup.)I Cannot Wait For This Book.
(a book by a favorite of mine comes out right before my birthday! lucky me.)
These Paintings Feel Like My Life.
(my dad, a painter, says to never put words on a painting… but to each their own, right? it’s art.)My Favorite Sundays.
(before the pandemic, I would go to Pioneer Square in Seattle on the second Sunday of every month to sit with other people and learn about astrology and tarot and meditate together. and then we did it on Zoom. but then Megan took “Sundays with Megan” to her Patreon. but now it’s back!)This Lip Sync Gave Me Life.
(RuPaul’s Drag Race is back!! the other night, Evan and I were like, “which Golden Globe nominated movie should we watch??” and finally landed on NONE: let’s watch the new season of RPDR instead. I was DYING LAUGHING at this lip sync. it’s a shock we didn’t wake Marcie up.)Can I Just Say How Sad I Am About This.
(that was my favorite podcast. and what I aspired to be as a radio producer and storyteller. Spotify ruins everything… she says whilst listening to this on her premium account.)Me With Family/Friends.
(too true.)Me In A Professional Setting.
(too true.)
Thanks for being here! I truly love this time we spend together. And I promise I’m not a road rage monster… but, well, that monster does live within me… let’s be real. Love you and whatever monster(s) you’re holding inside.
xxo,
rachel.