some drank in my cup.
after Ezra Klein poured my whole cup out.
Ezra Klein is trying to ruin my life. Recently in a Death, Sex & Money episode, he so eloquently laid out how for community and laughs and fun and light, my early-twenties were the best time of my life and I’ll never get that back. (it should be noted that it was the worst time in my life for my bank account, my liver, and my general contribution to society.)
Ezra talks about how high school wasn’t really it for him and college wasn’t really either, but the time after college… that’s where he found his people. SAME, EZRA. I moved to Jackson Hole, Wyoming at 21 to work at a climbing magazine and proceeded to have the most fun of my entire life.
EZRA KLEIN: Look, you can be in a home, as you say, where you live with people, or you live with people you know, or you get to know. But what's happened is you're sharing rent. And that wasn't really the way of it, but it wasn't like we had a family dinner on Tuesday nights either. We just, we had a great rapport with each other. We were friends, we were in similar industries Our friends outside of that home were the same friends. I mean, not, you know, a hundred percent, but to a large extent.
So it isn't just that we saw each other at home, but we saw each other when we went out too. And so, it had a quality of living shared lives that again, was not something that, you know, we all went out for a dinner before we moved in together and said, how do we want this to look? Well, you know, we're making a commitment to each other. Um, we were, all of us just trying to find some housing at that point. But it grew in a beautiful way.
There are so many things from that time of my life that shaped me and that I carry with me. I remember getting ready for nights out with a group of girlfriends in a tiny apartment, sharing a mirror or two. The excited energy of being together, listening to bad pop music, drinking vodka, and going out to have fun and see more people we love. Straightening our hair to the point where we looked like stick drawings and putting on the most bare-minimum make-up, we’d stare at ourselves and inevitably criticize ourselves in the meanest way. (isn’t it funny how mean we are to ourselves? if I could talk to 22-year-old Rachel now, I would slap her for making one iota of a disparaging remark about her looks. “girl, you’re about to get a thousand more moles and start hurting in places you didn’t know could hurt. be so thankful for what you have going now!”)
My friend Anna saved me in a lot of ways during my early 20s (bailed me out money-wise a couple times, made me go to my FIRST ever OB-GYN appointment, etc, etc…), but she also was a guiding light for our friend group writ large. When our girlfriends would get ready together and one of us would say something mean about our own appearance, Anna would then make us say three things that we love about ourselves. I remember trying to bargain with her after saying how much I hated my skin.
“Okay, you gotta say three things you like about yourself now!”
“One thing.”
“Two, Ray. Two things you love about yourself for every thing you say mean about yourself.”
“Okay, I like my teeth. And I like how tall I am.”
I still like these things about myself. And I still try to remember this practice, because I’m definitely still mean to myself in the mirror sometimes. (working on it.)
Last week, after listening to that podcasting and missing the community of my early 20s, I snapped out of it to get ready for Seattle’s event of the year—BEYONCE. I bought tickets with two friend’s I love who also have daughters around Marcelline’s age. It was mom’s night out! While we could have totally gotten ready separately and met at our sushi reservation before the show separately, we decided to get ready together… in my tiny apartment.
There it was! The magic of that community again. Evie teaching me how to do my make-up. Chelsea trying on different dresses as we gave our feedback. The pains of putting on false eyelashes. Drinking mocktails, we played a Beyoncé playlist real loud and talked about which songs we would DIE if she sang. (“Partition”… WHICH SHE DID.) Some disparaging words about our own looks were thrown around and—in the moment—I forgot to deploy Anna’s self-love rules of getting ready. But the overall tone was just giddiness… I felt like I was 22 again.
I cannot explain to you how incredible the show was. This article kind of captures it. (different show, but honestly same vibe.) Singing, dancing with Evie and Chelsea, running into friends from KEXP, from Missoula!, from a different life, from a new moment—all connected by this spectacular show.
Not in one million years could I have afforded a Beyoncé concert in my early 20s (tbh I couldn’t really afford it now). So this isn’t a super sustainable replacement for finding that feeling again. But, Ezra Klein, what you have taken away from my cup this week, Beyoncé (and my girlfriends) hath filleth up… well, at least a splash. And I’ll take it—cuz I need some drank in my cup.
A Little Woo:
Halvesies: The Fall Equinox happens on Friday, September 22nd (and a bit of the 23rd? unclear). This means that it will be dark as long as it will be light outside. This is a time to want the balance of light in the sky to reflect inside of yourself. Routine is your friend (ugh, my frenemy, honestly). But something I need to remember is that balance is supposed to be a gift and not a challenge. It’s not about doing everything, it’s about being kind to yourself in all the ways.
And astrology is telling us that it’s seriously time for closure. Maybe that’ll bring some peace and balance? We’ll never know.
Quick Hits:
Jam of the Week: Cleo Sol – Go Baby.
(❤️❤️❤️. this vibe is perfect for autumn.)
Speaking of Being Self-Critical.
(we truly weren’t supposed to be staring at ourselves this much.)This is What I Smell Like These Days.
(I bought it in Paris, but it’s supposed to smell like a garden in Tokyo. I love it and regardless of where it’s supposed to take me back to, it takes me back to France and England.)Seattle Keeps Making a Great Case to be Happy I’m Back.
(I love this city and the arts scene here. cannot WAIT to get even more nostalgic about my life on October 7th. )
This Newsletter is a Must-Follow For Parents.
(so weird, so funny—all I strive to be.)
As I’m Finishing It Now, I Can Officially Recommend This Book.
(some of the London references are a little lost on me, but holy moly if you like music and lived through the early-aughts with some form of sex-drive, you gotta read this book.)I’m Just Here for Jenna Lyons.
(I have never watched a Real Housewives of anything until Jenna Lyons joined the New York gaggle. now, I love it… because I love her. and also, I learned something new from these housewives. did you know your best lipstick color is the one that matches your nipples??? seriously! go ahead… look at your nipples. I know you want to.)Marcelline Every Two Minutes in Switzerland.
(such pure joy.)
Thank you for reading. I love you! Happy Tuesday! Have fun out there!
xxo,
rachel.