that's you.
using the force… without forcing it.
We joke that Marcelline (our six-year-old daughter) is at least 95% me and the rest is Evan. But those stats might have switched a bit when we went to Disneyland on Friday.
I don’t think anyone would call me “fearless,” though I’m sure that I’ve been donned as “reckless” many times. Evan, on the other hand, we lovingly refer to as “Officer Safety.” While I jump into things readily and always regret not raising my hand, not jumping into the water, or not playing the all-play game, Evan needs a long lead. He needs to prepare. Evan takes forever to jump into water. He wades his way in, until he’s ready to submerge. I do a back-dive if I can, without feeling the water first. Evan just will NOT jump in to untested waters or get on a ride that he doesn’t know about.
Side Story: One time Evan and I were traveling to London and had just gotten into the city from our flight. We hadn’t even activated our phones with an international plan yet. On a tube platform, I saw a train with a familiar name pull up and figured that was the one we needed to get on. It was, but it was going the wrong way. I pushed on to the train, only to turn around and see Evan still on the platform. He didn’t tell me, “Hey! That’s the wrong train! Get off!” He didn’t follow me on the train, because he was pretty sure it was the wrong train. Instead, he just stood there silently and waved at me as the tube doors closed on me and I headed in the wrong direction.
That boy is not getting on a ride he isn’t sure of—no matter who’s on it.
Anytime Marcelline is scared of anything, I lean over to Evan and whisper: “That’s you.” We figured that some of Disneyland’s rides might be scary for her, because six is still pretty young. Both Evan and I remember being afraid of Space Mountain when we were kids. Our niece, Madison, came along with us, who is seven years old. She is absolutely fearless, so we figured some peer-pressure would do the trick.
We first did all the classics, to warm up: Dumbo, Tea Cups, Peter Pan. They were so lovely and perfectly fun. Evan and I also agreed that doing the Dumbo ride first thing made us both kinda tear up. I almost (almost) get how people can be Disney Adults. I’m sure I’d be closer to being one if I still really loved Jesus. (there seems to be some overlap.) It’s the believing in magical things.
Side Story: We drove through LA rush hour traffic to get to a motel called Candy Cane Inn at Disneyland around 7pm and let the girls run around a bit whilst I ordered pasta to carbo-load for the next day. A grown-ass woman in Mickey Mouse ears came up to our open door and asked if we could stop our kid from running up and down the hall, because it was “super annoying.” Telling me they’d been doing it for “40 minutes.” Lies. I’m sure it was other kids running up and down the hall… at the Candy Cane Inn… at Disneyland… HOW DARE THEY. I don’t have anything against Disney Adults, but I really thought they would generally be more tolerant of joyful children.
We got to Hyperspace Mountain (rebranded for Star Wars, obviously) and Marcie insisted she ride with Evan—again. I started to notice that she hadn’t wanted to ride a single ride with me. I was feeling like she maybe didn’t feel safe with me, but then out of the other side of my mouth, I kept saying, “IT’S FINE. YOU’LL BE FINE. YOU’LL LOVE IT. JUST GO.” So I really couldn’t complain about being the un-safe parent out of the two of us. I get it. Also, Evan’s superpower is empathy. He’s so understanding and I love that she feels so safe with him.
During Hyperspace Mountain, Marcelline and Evan were in front of me and Madison was in the seat next to me. Y’ALL. THAT RIDE IS SCARIER THAN I EVEN REMEMBER!! It is wild!! I could hear Marcie screaming. I WAS SCREAMING. And I was also thinking, Oh my god, I AM a bad mom! She’s gonna be scarred for life!!
As soon as the ride stopped, Marcie sat up and said, “That was short” and we all laughed, looking around at each other—our hair disheveled, our eyes wide.
I thought we were in the clear after Hyperspace Mountain. Marcie clarified that she would probably not ride it again, but that she was okay on the “scary ride.”
But the thing I forget is that so much of this make-believe is very real to my precious little six-year-old. I was younger than Marcie when I first went to Disney World. I met Mickey Mouse and was absolutely starstruck. I couldn’t move or talk. (this may be my celebrity weirdo origin story.) When I met him again this time, we had much better interaction. I even wore the shirt that my parents got from that visit in the 80s!
Marcie is SO into Star Wars lately. She even had a Star Wars themed birthday party. They have a whole Star Wars themed land at Disneyland called Galaxy’s Edge. She was STOKED
.But the thing about the two rides there is that they’re very REAL. Very interactive. In the first ride, Marcie was supposed to pilot the Millennium Falcon. (she calls it the “Minnelium Falcon” and it makes our hearts sing.) She spent the entirety of the ride feeling solely responsible for the fate of her favorite vehicle and her family within it. She was screaming, panicked, looking back at me and yelling, “WHAT DO I DO???” While I of course just yelled things like, “You’re doing amazing, sweetie!”
The other Star Wars ride is SUPER interactive. It’s actually the coolest ride I’ve ever been on, but it’s a cosplay thing where you’re a part of the rebellion and you’re captured and then transported and questioned. At one point, you’re in a room with Storm Troopers that look too real. Marcie started asking us if they were going to really shoot us and my heart sank, knowing this would not end well. Spoiler: It didn’t. She cried. As I carried her out of the exit of the ride and she finally calmed down, she told me, “Me and Star Wars land? Not good.” My heart broke! My little Jedi felt broken!
Once fear starts, it’s easy to get away from you. Something Madison and I really wanted to do was Splash Mountain, which is now Tiana’s Bayou Adventure, based off of The Princess and the Frog. Marcelline was TERRIFIED of the big, iconic, drop. She was also freaked out that the ride didn’t have seatbelts. I looked to Evan and said, “That’s you.”
Side Story: Marcie and I were watching the ice skating competition during the Winter Olympics and she turned to me and asked, “Why aren’t they wearing helmets?” I immediately texted Evan to tell him and then said, “That’s you.”
The beginning of the ride was awesome. I loved it so much, during one of the quieter parts, I turned around to Evan to tell him, “I think this is my new favorite ride.” Marcie was scared the entire time, asking when the big drop was coming. But as we turned the corner and saw the big up, we stopped. There was a literal log jam. And it was during a part of the ride where the same 45 seconds of this song:
…played over and over. And we were stuck there for 25 minutes, in the weird fake logs, in the weird rushing water, in the weird fake bayou, with the weird animated fireflies telling us to dig a little deeper. Finally, a “cast member” (what they call all Disney employees), appeared as if from nowhere and helped us all out of the logs and then walked through a labyrinth of behind-the-scenes Disneyland to safety.
We didn’t do the big drop. And we started teasing Marcelline that she used the force to make sure that the ride broke down before the big drop. At first, she got defensive, “No! I didn’t use the force!” It’s all so real. She didn’t mean to! She thought she might get in trouble for breaking the ride if people believed she used the force.
We went back to “Star Wars Land” at dusk/night and I was SO glad that we weren’t sopping wet. Marcelline and Madison got to meet Hans Solo and then Chewbacca came around the corner and I’m pretty sure I saw Evan push a kid outta the way to get a picture with Chewy.
The girls had lightsaber fights with each other and super kind strangers. Marcie lit up and fell in love with Star Wars again… despite absolutely trashing the galaxy’s beloved Millennium Falcon and being the worst fighter the resistance has ever seen.
Despite the tears and fears, Marcelline absolutely loved Disneyland. (of course.) At the end of our trip to California, she said, “Disneyland was my favorite part. I mean, it’s the happiest place on earth!”
While we were still at my sister’s house, with her cousins and grandparents, I heard Marcelline tell them, “We didn’t do the big drop on Tiana’s ride. I used the force so we didn’t do the big drop.” I smiled, knowing that she either was learning how to tell her first white lies or she truly believed that she used the force. The believing is still so magical and she still feels so little, so I hope beyond hope she believes it to be true. I hope she believes that she can use the force… that she can will something to happen… that she can set her intentions to change the course of the ride she’s on. I love that she believes that. I hope she believes it for a very long time. That’s me. She gets that from me.
p.s. We ended up using a Disney concierge who made me feel SO much better about all things Disney. (I was nervous!!) And Jennay saved us a ton of money. I’m so grateful!! If you’re thinking about doing Disney, I highly recommend Jennay at Magic Mornings.
Quick Hits:
Jam Of The Week: Charli XCX – Rock Music.
(I know Charli XCX has a brand new song out, but I actually can’t stop listening to this one. so so good.)A Fave On A Fave Podcast.
(I just finished her new book and loved it. again: you can’t make me hate her.)Loves/Hates.
(my MIL gifted me his new book for my birthday and I’ve already laughed out loud twice… started it yesterday.)Okay, I’m Hearing Great Things About THIS Movie.
(friends say they’re crying at the CGI sheep movie.)I Do NOT Need Another Jacket.
(but if I did, this one would absolutely be on my list. more whimsy! and brown is still having a moment.)This Week’s Horoscopes.
(I am feeling the need for routine and cleaning up.)Sent By A Friend.
(made me happy.)Srrrrsly.
(this look is coming back in full-force.)
May the force be with you. I believe it is. You got this.
xxo,
Rachel.