the new year, the old habits, the imagined mistakes.
and it weirdly all feels related.
On Wednesday mornings, I’ve been volunteering for Aurora Commons. Along with a handful of other people, we cook and assemble about 80 bagel egg sandwiches in the kitchen of a church. I always forget that I’m in a church and when another volunteer tells me a shocking story about their life or when I drop a slice of cheese on the floor, I inevitably say, “ahh, fuck.” And then apologize profusely. (to both my colleagues and then vaguely to the ceiling… “sorry… so sorry.”)
These Wednesday mornings have been so good for me for a few reasons:
It’s about the only time of the week that I’m not glued to my phone. It’s amazing what two hours of being away from your phone will do to your brain and to your conversations.
Working with my hands, collaboratively, with a team, feels good. Moving around a hot kitchen and not staring a screen and asking for help and asking where I can move my body and what I can do with my hands to help. It feels good.
No one I work with knows what KEXP is. I spend a lot of my workday hearing listeners reiterate how 90.3 KEXP is the “best radio station in the world.” (it is.) Sometimes when I tell people where I work, I smugly brace myself for them to be like, “Whoa! That’s so cool!” But each week in that kitchen, someone asks, “What radio station do you work for again? Is that the Christian station?” It’s humbling. And it’s great.
It wasn’t until this last Wednesday, as I was washing dishes with a volunteer I hadn’t worked with before, that I realized something. She was asking me if I was involved with the church and when I said no, she got kind of quiet. This had been a common occurrence over the weeks and I finally finally realized. Oh my god. These people think I’m here for court-ordered volunteering. I almost started laughing out loud. I bike to volunteering most days and wheel my huge e-bike in the door, banging into so much stuff, cursing under my breath… in a church. Oh my god. These people think I got a DUI.
And I guess that’s fine. Because even if people think I have to serve because I got in trouble, I get so much out of this giving that I could care less about my assumed record.
A Little Woo:
Happy Lunar New Year!! This Year of the Water Tiger has me hopeful. It has me excited. Teen Vogue tells me it’s time to lean into my potential…
“This year is known as the year of the Water Tiger and will bring a confident and authoritative energy to all. Tigers are aggressive, tenacious, ambitious, competitive, and strong. Tigers are also known to be generous to their loved ones. Super enthusiastic in all they do, the Water Tiger has a strong moral compass and open mind.”
But these horoscopes really got me going. I was born in the Year of the Ox and everything I read about my horoscope just felt like YES and YES.
Also, my amazing colleague wrote this article about the astrological signs of The Beatles and it absolutely slayed me. Do yourself a favor and read The Beatles in Retrograde.
Quick Hits:
Jam of the Week: FKA twigs - jealousy feat. Rema.
(FKA twigs has a new album and I cannot get enough of it. this my favorite track on it at the moment.)
The Somebody Somewhere in All of Us
(I started watching Somebody Somewhere on HBO and it feels so familiar. the small town, the family, the thinking you can do better, but don’t know how. do we all feel this way? I feel like we do. regardless, I love the show. this post made me love it even more.)Me: Everyday.
(anxiety and depression and getting me, y’all. I feel like a bad mom/wife/employee… human, really… but specifically those big three. it all manifests into “should”s. I’m trying to be nicer to myself so here’s me telling you that the only should you should do is you should be nice to yourself.)It’s Februllage!
(I’ve never participated, but I really should this year. THAT WAS A TEST. NO MORE SHOULDS.)
(I was surprised and delighted to hear Ghetto Life on the latest episode of Radiolab. It’s one of the pieces or radio that really changed it all for me. It made me want to tell stories in this way.)
Reservation Booked for this Restaurant.
(I’ve heard the best things! cannot wait for a date night with Evan. look at how awesome that website is.)
I felt like there was something else I was gonna tell you. Ahh, well. I’ll talk to you next week!
You are doing your best. And you look great doing it, too.
xxo,
rachel.