I am fresh-home from a visit to the Tetons. Being there—in Jackson, on Teton Pass, at the Village—made me feel like my life is a circle. This trip connected the edges of a huge circle in the making.
I moved to Jackson Hole, Wyoming straight from Texas when I was 21-years-old. The word “naive” doesn’t even start to explain it. I went to intern—FOR FREE—at a climbing magazine, located in one of the most expensive towns in America. I didn’t know anyone in town. My parents graciously footed the bill for five months of my rent as long as I found a place that was $500 or less. So, I lived with three roommates/strangers (a river guide, a cook, and a masseuse) in a home outside of town.
I drove my rear-wheel drive X-Terra through a horrid blizzard to arrive to my new home in January 2007. The next morning, I was supposed to report to Alpinist. It was -20 degrees out. I went to start my car, but it wouldn’t start because it was too cold. I cried, wondering if I’d made the worst mistake of my life.
But the next couple years ended up being some of the best I’ve ever had. There is no emulating being in your early 20s, making new friends, partying, and adventuring around the mountains. It was magic. I soon moved in with a friend from Alpinist, her boyfriend, her two sisters, and another intern from the magazine. Oh, and then I rented out my crawlspace in that house to another friend. We had seven people in a four bedroom house and it was the absolute best.
Through the next five years, I moved to other apartments in Jackson, met Evan, got better at skiing, made even more friends, and eventually felt the need to move on from Jackson. I told Evan he could follow me to Missoula, Montana, if he wanted.
Fifteen years later, I have had countless trips back to Jackson. But this one connected the parallels of my life by overlapping in the sweetest way. Let me explain:
2007: Hiking Up Glory
Backcountry skiing felt like the thing I should start doing—it’s better for the environment and after you buy a beacon, shovel, probe, touring boots, and skis… it’s cheaper. So I took an avalanche safety course and didn’t bat an eye when I saw that hiking up Mount Glory was on the schedule.
Mount Glory is 1600 feet, straight up. So this means that I—a frail thing from Texas—put skis on a backpack, wore ski boots, and was expected to hike my ass up a bootpack through snow. I was immediately sweating my balls off. Everyone passed me. Everyone. I earnestly thought to myself, “This is the hardest thing I have ever done. This has to be the hardest thing anyone in the world has ever done.”
2023: Hiking Up Glory
The day after we flew in, Evan had planned for his mom to watch Marcelline so we could have a ski date on the Pass. He was really gunning for us to do something a bit easier, but the snow had been so good and I felt like I had something to prove to my younger self, so I convinced him to do Glory.
Hiking up, I immediately was taken back to the inability of yore. Pretty near the bottom, a group passed us and they had a dog wearing a styley neckerchief.
Evan: Don’t you have that same bandana?
Me: Yes. That dog is mocking me.
The wind was whipping and it was so cold. About half-way up, I just had to stop to have a meltdown. I told Evan that I didn’t know if I could do this: my hands were so cold and everything was so hard and I was starting to feel embarrassed about my ability and how long the hike was taking me.
I knew now that people do harder things than hike Glory, but this latest trip confirmed that this was one of the hardest things I would ever do. (childbirth and running the 28K Rut being up there in the mix now, too, though.) Evan got me warmer gloves, got me some food, and told me I could do this. I was doing fine. I was doing great. I recovered and trekked on.
When we got to the top, I was so so proud of myself. And when we started skiing, I was just so psyched. We were protected from the wind and the snow was spectacular. So deep! About half-way down, Evan and I stopped and he got in front of me. He started talking about this adventure of life we’re on together. How we can do hard things together. How he will wait for me as long as I take on adventures. Then he got down on one knee and pulled out a ring box and asked me if I would keep doing this life with him.
And then we went to Pica’s right after so I could get a celebratory margarita. I knew the ring was coming, I just didn’t know when it was coming. The setting is from my grandmother (Marcelline’s namesake) and I have wanted it since I laid eyes on it at 16. My mom had the diamond in her ring. When Evan and I decided to get engaged around 2014/2015, my mom took the setting to a jeweler and they said it was too fragile to put a diamond in it. Also, we didn’t have a diamond. Fast forward to a couple years ago when Evan’s mom graciously gifted me her engagement ring that was from Evan’s grandmother. She told me how happy she was to have me in the family. Then over Christmas, my mom told me that her jeweler said they had new technology (lasers??) to put a diamond in the setting. So here we are. The melding of both families.
Evan told me there were less tears than he expected. I told him I don’t know how to react to a second-proposal and we both laughed as he said, “I know. There were just a lot more tears than I expected at the first proposal.”
2007: Dinner at Trio
For my 22nd birthday, my friends planned a scavenger hunt that landed us at Trio for dinner. This was SO fancy for me, but so much fun/delicious. It became my favorite restaurant in the valley.
2023: Dinner at Trio
Evan surprised me after our re-proposal (??) with a night in Jackson at Alpine House (where we stayed for our wedding week). And part of that surprise was dinner at Trio, complete with Anna and Dan (who were at dinner at the first engagement). We laughed through so much of the dinner, telling stories of yore and how much of a junkshow that time was in our life… the MOST fun junkshow. We told stories about our kids and how they are perfect little terrors. It felt like I sipped a blood-orange margarita in 2007, tilted my head back in laughter, and when I looked back at the table, it was 2023 and there were still bleu cheese waffle fries and more margarita to be had.
2010: Skiing the Vill with Al & Ev
I barely skied at the Village from 2007 – 2009, because it is so damn expensive. But in 2010, I started doing graphic design work for ski passes. Skiing the Village, I was ALWAYS trying to keep up. (I’m from Texas!) But it was such a blast and when it was time for aprés or closing day dressing up and dance parties, I was your GIRL. These were just the best days.
2023: Skiing the Vill with Al & Ev
Allison drove down to Jackson to see us for the weekend. My relationship with Allison has become one of my most needed and most reviving friendships. I need time with her and it always awakens something in me that I forgot about and am grateful for. The laughs. The love. We got to ski around the Village all together one day and it was just the best. And I KEPT UP. I like skied everything Allison and Evan could! And they are like… really good skiers. It had been years since any of us had skied at this resort, but every cat-track lead us to memories and de ja vu. I kept asking, “What year is this? How old are we??” The circle, making itself full… touching end to end and confusing my timelines.
2010: Relationship Run-Ins
Early in my relationship with Evan, I cheated on him. I know. (I told you—messy. and done apologizing for and hiding from it.) I was trying to self-sabotage and I was honest with Evan the day after it happened. (Name Redacted) had left the door of mistakes cracked open for me and I hated myself enough to open up that door and try to ruin things with Evan. I know this sounds unforgivable, but we got through it and I’m so grateful.
2023: Relationship Run-Ins
Evan and his brother (Zach) went skiing on the Pass one morning and (Name Redacted) was there with a non-profit, offering shuttles. Zach was PSYCHED and started to chat-up (Name Redacted). Evan was—obviously—not psyched to see this man and was kind of a dick to him. When Zach and Evan got alone, Zach asked him why he was like that and Evan told him why. Zach started laughing and was like, “It’s kinda funny now.” And then they laughed.
When Evan recounted all of this, I went in for a hug…
Me: I’m so sorry I did that.
Evan: It’s okay. You were 24.
Me: I know. But I’m still sorry.
Evan: I feel bad I was a dick to him!
Me: Evan. If you would’ve done to me with someone what I did to you with (Name Redacted), I would’ve burned her house down.
2007 – 2023: A Magic Eye of My Life
Other beautiful moments of note:
Skiing with Katie
EnglemanBergart and it being the BEST skiing. If you would have told 21-year-old Rachel she had to go ski the Pass with Katie Engleman (the most badass runner/skier in the Valley), I would’ve cried. But now she’s one of my dearest friends and I can keep up with her and we had just so much fun.We got to go on a double-date with Evan’s brother and his sister-in-law at this DELICIOUS place. When I first met them in 2010, I was like, “Hells yeah, we’re all gonna be best friends.” And then Liv got pregnant and their lives changed a lot and we didn’t hang out like I thought we would. But this dinner at King Sushi? It’s how I thought we’d hang out.
We stopped at Browse N Buy (our old favorite thrift store) and I found this sweater…
Wow, talk about full-circle. When’s the last time we saw a Photo Booth photo?? They used to happen all the time.
Marcelline skied! It was wonderful… JUST KIDDING. It was 40% wonderful and 60% like this.
Auntie Owl (what Marcelline calls Allison) came over for breakfast and Marcelline showed her some dance moves and I just melted. We also remembered that for Halloween 2011, Allison was an OWL. It feels so full-circle… have I said that yet?
This whole trip felt like I was looking at one of those Magic Eye images. In the way that when you look at those things, there is a moment that you have no idea what you’re looking at. You see things moving from the left (past) and the right (the future) and then even the middle (the now) and then all of the sudden, there it is. You see it clearly. I saw it clearly in Teton Valley this past week. There it is: the past, the future, the now… this is my life. And it’s beautiful.
A Little Woo:
OMG, I JUST SAID THAT: This amazing account talks about how things are really lining up in the planets for a NEW ERA in March. It makes me so happy and hearing stuff like this after writing stuff like this makes me feel like I really am on the right track… thank you, universe.
Quick Hits:
Jam of the Week: MiLES – “Oxygen”.
(I stumbled upon this song and now it’s on repeat.)
Wanna Cry At Your Desk?
(best acceptance speech I’ve seen in a long time. also Everything Everywhere All At Once should win every award because of Raccacoonie alone.)I Love That Our Ski Trip Coincided With Her Birthday.
(I love a good tradition.)“Allison, How Do You Know All the Words to Frozen??”
(this is how. we kept singing it all over the mountain… like real dorks.)
(absolutely too accurate.)
Dreams Really Do Come True.
(so… see y’all in Seattle soon?)
A long one—phew! With a little more honestly than I expected when I started this, but that’s what I’m about now. I hope you still love me from it, because I truly love you for being here. Thank you.
xxo,
rachel.