weird vibes.
but not always bad-weird.
Last week, I took Marcelline to a playground and immediately the vibes felt off. Marcie wanted to go do the zipline, but a six-year-old was there with her dad and her uncle (??) and she kept crying, “I want to go home!” I know she was six, because at one point, her dad held up three fingers and said, “You know what age kids this is for??” and put the three fingers right in her face. “You’re twice that age! You can do this.” She cried more and I told Marcie we should give her some space.
There was another dad there, staring at his phone with his earbuds in. His daughter seemed four or five and she kept doing the saddest laps on the big slide where she laid completely down, with her hands by her sides and went down the slide as slow as humanly possible.
It took me a second to realize, OH. Today is the first day of Christmas break. All of these kids are here with the divorced parents who don’t usually have custody. This is probably their first day together in a while. To be fair, I didn’t look like an on-it parent this day. It was so cold out and Marcie was wearing her Elsa under a jacket that honestly should’ve been a warmer jacket.
Marcie is obsessed with this Elsa dress. It has a cape on it and she will get lost in her own little world holding that cape out to spin around in circles. When I make her wear a jacket with it, she turns into this drunk college girl who loves her outfit and keeps trying to find excuses to take off her winter coat. On the playground this day, I would catch her slowly unzipping her jacket and would say to her, “Marcie… you better not…” and then she would quickly finish unzipping it and throw the jacket and run away, cape flying in the wind. And I’d be left there standing looking like a mom who just let’s her kid run around in a Disney dress in 40 degree weather. My parenting was only adding to the off-vibes.
All this to say that not all holiday times are good feelings or good vibes. Sometimes the hardest times are the “special” times: the holiday times, the birthdays, the family times, the anniversaries. Sometimes they are legit weird vibes. At one point of another, I’ve been everyone on that weird-vibes-holiday-playground. I’ve been the absent parent with the earbuds in. I’ve spent a lot of my life as the depressed girl laying down on the slide of life, just trying to get to the bottom without incident. I’ve been the girl crying that she just wants to go home. I’ve been the parent who does not know how to connect or encourage their child correctly. I’ve been the silent uncle who doesn’t know how to help or doesn’t want to get involved. And if you know me, you know I’ve definitely been the drunk girl at the party who no one can get to listen. I’ve been every player on the playground.
Last night, Christmas night, Evan and Marcelline and I went out to our traditional Chinese dinner. But, our normal place, Din Tai Fung was closed (for the first time in years!) and so we went to China Harbor, a place we’ve biked by hundreds of times, but never been to. Inside, it was so expansive… and so busy… and so… weird. Weird vibes! But we didn’t mind.
The host gave us a piece of paper with number on it (7), like we were at a deli. The host was so stressed out and kept apologizing that we’d have to wait for thirty minutes. A woman next to us said, “Don’t worry about it! You’re the only one stressed. If anyone thinks they’re going to walk into a Chinese restaurant on Christmas and thinks it’s going to be a less than thirty minute wait, they’re nuts!” All of us waiting bonded over trying to make our stressed out host relax.
Our number that was given to us (7) never came into play again. We were just sitting there waiting when the host said, “Okay, you five groups come with me.” They sat five parties at the same time in the same section. Evan and I chuckled. We’ve both worked in restaurants as servers before and we both agreed that we were NEVER going to get service. In order to get drinks, we had to walk over to the bar. (I told you, weirdness.) Over on the other side, the bar had a dance floor with a man sweeping sand around on it. Regulars lingered around the bar stools ordering scotch, changing out of boots into heels, getting ready to dance the tango. It happens every Monday night, apparently. The city skyline was the backdrop for these dancers.
“What did you get?”
I sat down Evan’s beer and Marcie’s lemonade and told him, “A negroni.”
“That is a risky move at a place like this.”
“I am a risky gal.”
Evan had already ordered. My negroni was delicious. We laughed real hard playing “What’s Missing”* with Marcie during the short wait for our food. It all worked out—perfectly.
All to say that weird vibes aren’t always bad vibes. Sometimes the weirdness is what makes it the best.
*a game where everybody closes their eyes and then the It person takes away something from the table, people open their eyes, and the person who is It says, “What’s missing?” Marcie at one point took away her whole table setting and we couldn’t stop laughing. like: wHaT cOuLd It Be????!
A Little Woo:
The Lightness Of The Moon: It’s a full moon in Cancer, like… right now. And this moon is all about letting go of emotional baggage. Forgiving people. Forgiving yourself. Letting yourself be who you are. Stop carrying the burdens that you made up yourself. Start fresh in 2024. Feel lighter. Read more about it here.
And with this lighter year, you can look here at your 2024 Horoscope. (eee! I love a new year!)
Quick Hits:
Jam of the Week: Dominurmom – Remember You.
(my friend Evie who knows everything about music shared this song with me, because it’s for someone named Marcelline. I love it more every time I hear it.)
Am I The Only One Who Hasn’t Seen This Movie Yet?
(excited to watch it soon.)WHOA How Cool Are These.
(all the rest of the links are Instagram, because that’s where my head’s at.)
Not NOT Me.
(yesterday, I practiced my annual tradition of getting a bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos in my stocking and then pretending I’m going to save them for a special time and then two hours later opening the bag and pretending I’m not going to eat the entire back and then stress eating the entire bag by myself whilst ignoring everyone around me and staring blankly into nothingness. and it was incredible.)This Short Poem.
(my friend Layne sent it to me and it made my heart break and sing at once.)The Creativity Of The Internet.
(never ceases to amaze me.)LOL.
(so true.)
Next time I “see” you, it’ll be 2024. I hope you had a great day yesterday—whether or not you celebrate Christmas. I hope you’re leaning in to who you are and it feels good there. Sending you love and the weird vibes that are actually awesome!
xxo,
rachel.