welcome to Nodio's!
the only not-giving-Tuesday email you'll receive today.
“Trust the process.” About ten years ago, friends jokingly used to say this to each other in reference to the most mundane life stuff. I would laugh and repeat, “trust the process” when a friend would say that in reference to my stress about graduate school. I had no idea it was actually a basketball reference. I’ve been saying it ever since. I like to have something to trust. Being religious and praying to God came very easily to me. I trusted. If I made a questionable decision, I would trust that it was God’s will. So when I walked away from the Church and people started to tell me to trust the process, I said sign me up!
But somehow the process (the Universe) is harder to trust than it was for me to trust God. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t trust God anymore… she broke that trust long ago for reasons too lengthy to get into now… but when I trusted in God, it felt so easy. Now, I think it’s hard to trust the Universe or the process, because I AM THE UNIVERSE. I have to put in the work for there to be a process. And you can trust me, but can I trust me?? What happens when your gut is wrong?? What happens when horrible things happen and you just wanna drink and cry and watch Vanderpump Rules and disappear?? Is that a part of the process? DO I TRUST IT? Real question: I’m a woman. (that’s not the question, I’m getting there.) Is the process only for men? Should I trust it? Maybe I should only trust it 83.7%??
I blame this existential crisis/reflection on Christmas cards. Every year I snap a beautiful photo of my little fam and write a novella of an update where I wax poetic about my job and our family’s accomplishments. Is it self-indulgent? Absolutely. It was Instagram before everything became so instant. It is just Gram. This year, I felt like quitting my job at KEXP and going to Europe was the absolute right thing to do… for reasons too lengthy to get into now. I trusted the Universe. I trusted the process. I jumped. And it was amazing. It was right and I felt that rightness all through the Summer part of the process. But now, I get to put all those gorgeous photos on a Christmas card and but ALSO I have to write, “I don’t have a job. I’m… focusing on my writing… I have a blahg kind of thing… I’m working on a book that I don’t know if it will ever be a thing or not… writing a book is hard…” or something like that. Ugh.
The process. Trust it. Right?
The other night (evening, actually… it just felt like night because it was 5:30pm and PITCH BLACK), Evan and I went on a walk with Marcelline whilst she was on her bike. She wore her piggy purse (whom she calls “Peggy”) over her clothes, but underneath her safety vest.
When we got to under the Aurora bridge, we started telling Marcelline we needed to turn around. (she’s a slow cyclist… things take forever.) She kept saying, “No, we’re going to Nodio’s!”
Nodio’s. We had never heard of this place. Because it’s not a real place. I had her repeat it over and over. But every time we tried to get her to turn around, she would tell us that we were almost to Nodio’s. It was just “over there.”
Trust the process. Whatever. We laughed and kept on. If she was happy, we were happy. Even if it meant a meltdown was coming. That was future Rachel and Evan’s problem.
When we got to the bike-path intersection caddy-corner to Brook’s Running, I said to Marcelline, “Okay, this is where we’re stopping, Marcie. Where’s Nodio’s?”
She looked around a little bit and then pointed to the place we were standing right next to and said, “Right here! This is Nodio’s!”
We laughed. It didn’t look open, but there was a woman in there prepping some stuff and Marcie waved at her. We waved, too. Like, just saying hi! pay no mind to our toddler waving at you! The place was called Mini Bar… definitely not Nodio’s. But all the sudden the woman working there came to the door and unlocked it and I started to say, “Oh, hi no, we were just waving!” before I saw that she had a huge bucket of candy that was obviously left over from Halloween.
Marcie rolled right up to her and opened her piggy purse. The woman put TWO HANDFULS of candy into that piggy purse with the slightest hesitation as she asked us if it was okay. We nodded slowly, with our mouths agape. Marcie zipped up her purse with ease… like this was a deal she was planning all along. She turned her bike around and said thank you and we biked home.
“How the HELL did she do that?” I asked Evan.
“Nodio’s.”
It’s the magic of Nodio’s. Here’s a recording we took right after the incident. We mostly wanted this to remember how to pronounce it, because I kept saying, “Nadio’s” and Marcie would correct me, “NO-dio’s.”
She thought this recording was for Santa. I mean, I trust her gut!
Nodio’s. Trying to be like Marcie and know something so deeply that I trust it even if those around me think I’m out of my mind.
Nodio’s.
A Little Woo:
Leave It To Beaver: The Beaver Full Moon was last night and it was a doozy. I don’t appreciate my horoscope for this week being so damn accurate (I’m a Taurus), but I do know that you gotta trust the process and also pay your bills. The astrology is focusing on hard truths and accountability and also communication. Does that resonate at all? Also, BEAVER MOON… hahahaha I’m 12. Also, this meme makes me laugh so hard.
Quick Hits:
Jam of the Week: Tkay Maidza – Gone to the West.
(let’s be real, I’ve been mostly listening to Christmas music lately. but I love love this Tkay Maidza song. the whole album is real good.)
Good Thing I Have More Silver To Wear.
(seeing Beyoncé in concert was life-changing. I’m 100% going to this film.)
Is This The Origin Story Of Why I Want To Gift Everyone A White Sweater?
(I gave Evan this one years ago and he was NOT into it… so I stole it and wear it often. also, omg I miss Insecure.)WOW This Album.
(if you haven’t listened to this podcast about Dolly Parton yet, what are you waiting for?? it’s absolutely spectacular.)I Hope Your Thanksgiving Was As Entertaining As This Piece.
(Ted is all of the eldest children.)You Know I Love Boobies.
(so of course I want one of those mugs now. I found this maker via The Stranger’s new edition… which I totally dig..)
I May Be The Last Person In Seattle To Read This Book.
(but I’m gonna try and speed-read it so that I can see this movie as soon as it comes out.)The Funniest Things I Found On Instagram (Family-ish Edition)
I immediately love this family.
looking for friends with a ceiling fan.
I watched this a thousand times.
Happiest hollerdays to you and yours! I am in constant admiration of Bess Kalb’s writing and her piece about working through a crisis felt right. I hope you’re doing okay and I hope you’re squeezing loved ones and laying under Christmas trees or taking long walks or resting with your favorite things. Thanks so much for being here!
xxo,
rachel.