where we wanted to be.
is not where we are now.
Over the weekend, Evan and I were watching Queer Eye’s latest season in bed. (romance, bitches!) The whole new season is making me miss Austin, Texas like whoa. (That’s where I grew up.) I had seen on my friend Jared’s Instagram that his boss was gonna be one of the subjects of a Fab 5 makeover. (Season 6, Episode 8, btw.) But I had no idea how MUCH Jared would actually be featured in the episode! His first time on screen, well, first of all, I SHRIEKED. Secondly, Jared made this statement about his boss—the hero of the episode—and it was so beautiful and eloquent, Tan said, “Wow! You should join our crew!”
I kept saying, “Jared went to seminary! He is SO well spoken!” Which has me thinking so much of who we once were. Jared and I met at the suuuuuper conservative Baptist university we went to. (yes, this sailored mouthed, tarot-loving woman was v religious in another life.) Between watching Saved By The Bell: The College Years, smoking hookah, him teaching me how to drive stick, playing dominoes, going to garage sales, being the first two people at our school on Facebook, and the occasional church visit, Jared and I talked a lot about what we wanted in the future. Spoiler: We wanted different things than what we have right now.
After a particularly bad period in Jared’s life (a broken engagement, a forced change in career), we were on the phone. I was walking around my neighborhood, trying to be encouraging, but not knowing what to say. Jared kept saying, “I just don’t know what I’m going to do now.”
The work Jared is doing today, he is ACTUALLY changing the world. Wow. Today he is helping the unhoused in Austin. He is married to an incredible woman. I’ve never seen him more happy and more content—he found his place. Also, Tan France told him he has great hair, so he can die happy.
I guess this is just a glad-we-don’t-always-end-up-where-we-wanted appreciation post. I had plans. Lots of random plans. (sidenote: thank GOD I didn’t name Marcelline “Carnegie” or “Ellanore”… why did I spell it like that??) What isn’t reflected in those weird lists is how much heartbreak and hell I went through in figuring out my career, my heart, my path. But I’m so much happier than I would’ve been if those heartbreaks hadn’t happened. And I’ll tell you what: Somehow I did meet the love of my life in 2010—manifestation, bitches!
A Little Woo:
I’m phoning this in this week. Mercury Retrograde is coming! January 14th. Best prepare.
Quick Hits:
Jam of the Week: Alt-J – Hard Drive Gold
(love this band. have always loved their weird videos—this is not an exception.)
Play This Game: Wordle.
(I am in love with this simple word game. and having the same word as the rest of the world makes me feel connected.)(I love that I’ve been thinking a lot about my church-going days and then this evangelical family is back in my life. so funny to me. I’ve also been having dreams about church camp lately, too… what does it all mean?)
Things are hard right now. I hate it. The mundane monotony is getting to me. My house is a mess, but I think my heart is okay? Unclear. Regardless, thank you for being here and be kind to yourself and each other, okay?
xxo,
rachel.