7,000 Catholic youth groups walk into an airport…

it's actually not a joke. not even funny.

It’s 2am in the morning, do you know where the Pope is?

BECAUSE I DO.

He is currently on his way Lisbon, Portugal. How do I know this? Because apparently every Catholic in a 10,000-mile radius is trying to get to Lisbon right now. We were trying to go Terceira Island in Portugal to see a friend (Alicia) from college and had to connect through Lisbon.

Spoiler: We didn’t make it to Terceira. And the the airports and hotels are FILLED with people (youths!) here to see the Pope. It’s kinda creepy. I have never seen more priests in my LIFE. And not one of them is hot!

.(let’s all have a moment of silence for the Hot Priest from Fleabag.)

It was also a bit creepy, because all the youth groups, all the way-too-friendly 20-somethings, all the middle-aged white men loudly talking about Jesus and wearing shirts that say stuff like, “Be a Rebel. Be Catholic” are all too familiar. In a past life (controversy!) I was an evangelical Christian. I went on church group trips. I went to church camp. I went on mission trips. I even went to a super Baptist University, which is where I met Alicia. (she is no longer bonkers religious either.)

I was all-in on Christianity. And I’m not all-in on religion anymore. And I hate seeing my past-self in all of these people, because I didn’t like the kind of Christian I was… I know there are good Christians out there.

It’s hard to revisit a past-self. Well, it’s hard for me. But I’ve been working on revisiting this Christian self in the way of writing. I’m working on a collection of personal essays about how I was Christian and then decided not to be. The working title is “Thou Shalt Not, Okay.” I’m super passionate about this project and excited about how it’s coming along, but it has stalled a little bit more than I thought it would.

On the flight earlier today from Toulouse to Lisbon, I had just finished my book and didn’t have anything else to read. So I wrote in my journal. In there, I wrote a bit about how I hadn’t been working on TSNO as much as I thought I would on this trip and how it might be because I don’t want to think about religion that much.

And then not three hours later, I was basically in the middle of a revival happening in the hotel were put up in for the night. I was so tired. Evan had to stay at the airport to get out bags (which took THREE MORE HOURS) and so I took Marcie (on the Lug-A-Bug, of course) to the hotel. As soon as I got there, I texted Evan. I was so freaked out.

I have to reiterate how tired Evan and I were (are). So many things went wrong in the course of a few hours and then I had to make people move and stop singing, so I just get into my hotel room with my baby. I hated it. And I could have absolutely seen myself singing with them in that drum circle 20 years ago. I hate that.

I’m glad I didn’t continue down that path, too. But it’s so interesting how life puts you right where you’re supposed to be, which feels like the last place you want to be. I said I hadn’t been writing enough about or reflecting enough about Christianity and the Universe was like, “HOW ABOUT EXPOSURE THERAPY TO GET THAT WRITER’S BLOCK OUTTA HERE.”

I do not care about the Pope. This is my Pope…

But I’m excited to see a lot of Lisbon tomorrow. The only thing related to religion that I wouldn’t mind seeing is this art installation of protest. I am excited to explore with my baby girl and not be embarrassed of who I was, but instead maybe give my past self the compassion and love and acceptance I claimed to give to all people when I was praying out loud before my meals at Chili’s. To move forward and grow and love all versions of myself, the judgement cannot remain a central part of my M.O.

Right?

So tomorrow, we’ll explore and we’ll see a ton of Catholic youths fangirling over the Pope like some teen heart-throb. And I’ll feel a pang of embarrassment and judgement, but then try to just be so grateful for where I am and hope that people know I’m not who I was when I was 19 and remember many people aren’t who they were when they were 19. And that religion and spirituality is something I want to look closely at again. And tomorrow I will also reach out to Air Portugal to get a full-refund for this flight and donate most of that refund to Planned Parenthood.

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A Little View:

some photos of late…

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I wanted to write about how much I love France this week. I wanted to tell you to do yourself a favor and book an AirBNB hosted by Nike in Bouriege. And that parts of France have BAGUETTE VENDING MACHINES, that are actually indicative of a sad happening. I wanted to tell you how much the French genuinely love clowns and take clown school seriously. (it’s where they go to let their clown persona find THEM.)

But the Pope fucked it up. Just know I love France so so much and swam topless a lot. Christian Rachel would NEVER.

I love you. Thank you for being here.

xxo,
Rachel.

p.s. I keep laughing at this. (maybe because I’ve been thinking about Willy Wonks so much lately.)

p.p.s. do you have a good book recommendation for me?