a collision of an eclipse.
the full circle moment.
I have officially lived not in my childhood home longer than the 18 years I lived in it. 18 years here and then 21 years in a dozen different apartments and homes. But it’s still here, in Georgetown, Texas, with my parents living and loving within these walls and growing in this space.
After Evan and I saw the 2017 Total Eclipse in the Tetons, we decided we were eclipse chasers now. We booked an AirBNB down in Coquimbo, Chile for an eclipse in July 2019, but bailed because… well, I was trying to get pregnant and some dear friends’ wedding was the same weekend. (fun fact: driving out to that wedding is when I told Evan I was pregnant! I had to tell some dear friends before I told my family because of the sober wedding I had. damn, I wish I wasn’t the kind of drinker who got outted being pregnant by not drinking… but that’s where I was and honestly it was a beautiful time in life so why am I even painting over it with darker colors? I’m literally eclipsing my own memories.)
ANYWAY. We knew that the next total eclipse we could get our hands on was in Texas. My parents’ home was in the path of totality. We booked tickets as soon as we could.
We were here almost exactly two years ago and watching Marcelline run around in the same backyard I used to run around in as a two-year-old was surreal.
I kept thinking… is that me? Am I watching my life play back? I spent so many spring afternoons in this same yard as a child. Running around with our family dogs of yore. Playing golf. Being a kid. Being wild. Being naked.
Now that Marcelline is four, it’s even more unreal. I will sit on the back porch reading my book and she will sit out in the yard with purpose. And then she’ll look back at me to see if I’m looking at her and then she’ll pack up shop (usually just her bubbles she’s brought along) and move farther away from me and find a new place to sit in the yard. She doesn’t have an acre yard of outdoor safe space in Seattle. She can’t flex her independence while knowing that she is one cry away from swept up in her parents’ arms.
This has been me ever since I could. When my dad and mom woke up in their bedroom on my 20th birthday (I was in Thailand), my dad said to my mom, “You know how some poets describe women as flowers? Well, Rachel is a wildflower.” My dad and I danced to this song at my wedding. An hour earlier, my dad had given a toast that talked about how I hit the ground running and was off as soon as I could be… in all regards. That’s how I’ve done life.
I am not above going to The Cut or Buzzfeed for my astrological reads and re: this Solar Eclipse, I felt these two passages in my bones.
From this article about what an eclipse like this means in astrology:
The North and South Nodes are powerful placements. The South Node corresponds with past life, spiritual baggage, and the innate gifts we brought into this lifetime. The North Node, by contrast, is the lessons your soul needs to acquire. It reveals the passions, talents, and growth you need to harness in order to reach your full potential. And collectively, these two points — the North and South Nodes — are linked to destiny.
How does this relate to the eclipses? Well, my friend, in order for an eclipse to take place, the sun and moon need to sync up with the North and South Node. At these points, the sun, moon, and Earth meet in perfect alignment, forming … solar eclipses (when the moon blocks the sun, corresponding with new moons).
I love that your past life and your new growth need to be in alignment for an eclipse. I FEEL that.
Rebecca Gordon told Buzzfeed:
In astrology, a total solar eclipse creates a breakthrough in your life and often an expedited evolution. Eclipses often bring a dramatic course correction in our lives such as the beginning of a new relationship, a job, or perhaps a move to a new location or the beginning of a new lifestyle. Usually, they happen in areas where we have already ‘moved on’ though we are still ‘going through the old motions.' The eclipse is a wake-up call for your body to catch up to where your soul is. Sometimes, we hang on to old patterns out of safety and fear and eclipses break us out into the vast unknown.
A “wake-up call for your body to catch up to where your soul is.” WOW.
I had been so anxious about the weather. I wanted a clear sky to see the eclipse. I wanted THE BEST view. But the weather forecast was grim. So cloudy. I got bummed about it, but came to grips with just being in my backyard with my family and the loveliness of that.
My best friend Lisa (who is from Georgetown, but who lives in London) is in town right now. I completely assumed she was going to go to her brother’s ranch or do something else for the eclipse. I was dead-set on being in this backyard in Georgetown. (this backyard I’m currently sitting in, typing this up.) At the last minute, Lisa asked if she could take me up on the standing invite to come over to our house with her family. YES. I loved this revelation. Lisa and her kids, her husband, her mom… all with us in our backyard… or as Marcelline has called it (with a British accent) since London: “our back yarden.”
We had snacks, we had meltdowns (three children in tow), we had laughs, we had a blanket laid out, we had a bouncy castle, we had music, we had each other, and then when it was time for the totality of the eclipse we had a clear sky. My daughter sat on my lap while we watched the amazing magic that is a total eclipse. A rooster crowed, bats flew by our heads, stars came out, and we just all expressed our awe in individual ways.
I felt my past, my childhood, my friendships, my loves, my family… all collide with my dreams, my hopes, my art, my mental health, my being, my body, my future… and in that collision, in that moment, all those things together: there was me. There I was. There we all were. Together. A full circle of light and darkness. Forever and ever.
Quick Hits:
Jam of the Week: Camera Obscura – Liberty Print.
(1. this amazing band from my formative music-loving times is BACK. 2. their name is CAMERA OBSCURA… which is the name of the thing Evan makes for every eclipse, so we can stare at the sun. 3. this song is gorgeous.)
Picked Up This Book At BookPeople.
(I was obsessed with this story and now am very much enjoying her new collection of essays.)
Cannot WAIT For This Movie.
(more female friendship flicks, pleeeeeease.)Also, I Got A Press Pass For This Brilliant Festival.
(so let’s go see some movies together in Seattle, mmmkay?)I Bought A Swimsuit Off Instagram.
(it was stupid expensive, BUT: I wanted something with sun coverage, I got a discount, they can come in extra-long length, and it makes me feel like a Kardashian.)
I Love This.
(caption and all.)
ACCURATE.
(we had a parent-teacher conference with Marcelline’s school today and they raved about her and I was like, “so good to hear. quick question: does she ever scream at you?” spoiler: she does not scream at them.)Lisa And Me In Texas Together.
(it’s kinda dreamy.)
I have been laughing a lot in life and that makes me so grateful. I hope you’re finding laughs and joys and little and big things that make you go, “YES.” Thank you for being a part of my yeses by being a part of this news(love)letter.
xxo,
rachel.