that's a raven.
choking? is she okay?
I’m fairly certain I saw a raven choking to death the other day.
Out of all the wildlife in Jackson, I can’t stop thinking about this one raven. They’re usually not the animals you pull over for. There is no such thing as a “raven jam.” While bears, moose, bison, wolves, and even elk get a stopping-ovation, birds are just around. Sometimes bald eagles will get a group of tourists in awe, but they’re hard to spot. A joke between Evan and me from more than a decade ago in Jackson is once, casually and proud, I said, “I’m good at spotting birds, I think.”
I was driving home from the Village, hoping traffic wouldn’t be the summer usual of OH-MY-GOD-THIS-IS-HORRIBLE. (but when you’re driving a car, you’re not in traffic, you ARE traffic.) On the Village Road, there were multiple cars pulled over to look at elk. Majestic elk. But this meant quite the slow-down. I couldn’t help but notice, on the fence pole near the road, a raven sitting tall. Ravens are so smart. I think often about a friend who grew up in Jackson who took in a wounded raven and it became her pet. The bird would ride on the side mirror of their car until the car went too fast and then take off flying. When my friend’s car parked at the grocery store, a minute or so later, the bird would land again on the side mirror.
This raven was struggling. It looked like it was full-on choking. Or something. It was kind of convulsing—not quite a seizure, but more than a dance move. It looked like a cat trying to cough up a fur-ball. Birds do that, right? With the fur-balls. Once in grade school, we had to dissect an owl pellet to try and find mouse bones. (mine didn’t have a skull in it, but WHATEVER. a kid named Zack turned his mouse skull into a necklace and it was the first time I ever felt something chemical for a “bad boy.”) Do ravens cough up pellets like that? Or had she eaten something she wasn’t supposed to? Was she sick?
I’ve just become certified in CPR. We went through how to get the Heimlich Maneuver to adults, kids, and infants… but not ravens. Do you think these smart birds have their own protocol for choking? Where were her friends? Her family? Why weren’t they at the ready??
My parents are in town and my mom told an old family story that I had forgotten about and didn’t laugh hard enough at when she retold it.
Her family was traveling with her dad’s brother (Uncle Dick) and his family. Back in the 60s, they had road tripped and were staying in a trailer in the woods somewhere all together. It was a little stormy, so everyone stayed inside the trailer, which had a television, but it barely got any signal. The families wanted to watch their shows, so Uncle Dick volunteered to climb on top of the trailer and move the antenna to try and get better signal. This resulted in my grandpa and his wife and sister-in-law yelling directions from the trailer.
“A LITTLE HIGHER! MOVE IT TO THE LEFT! MORE! WAIT, BACK! THAT’S GOOD! A LITTLE MORE! THAT’S GOOD! THAT’S GOOD!”
They yelled up a big, “THANK YA, DICK!!” to their uncle and watched The Andy Griffin Show all together.
No one really thought about how Uncle Dick didn’t come back in the trailer for a good while. About a half-hour later, Uncle Dick shows up to the trailer door all covered in leaves and sticks, completely dazed. He had slipped and fallen off the top of the trailer almost immediately and got knocked out when he fell to the ground.
– Dick, you okay?
– Yeah, I think so. Move over.
How long was he on that forest floor, knocked out, while everyone was yelling at him to move the antenna a little bit to the left??
There’s something fascinating and real about falling off a trailer and getting knocked out right next to your whole family while they watch Gomer Pyle fumble it again. Something so interesting about choking in plain sight, as one of the smartest birds, in front of wildlife-obsessed tourists.
If I’m a combination of 40 birds living inside of me, I’m adding this raven to the mix within me. There are 41 birds now. This raven is definitely a part of me. A symbol of darkness and change and readiness to heal, comically either choking to death or struggling with a pellet that is kind of an owl’s game or trying her hardest to produce a new sound of some sort or—mostly likely—just struggling because she bit off more than she can chew. She’s a day and some change behind on her newsletter that’s supposed to come out on Tuesdays. She’s got unpaid bills. She’s got big creative goals that have all been started, but then stalled. She can’t swallow. She can’t get it down. It’s awkward as hell, but that’s about right. People are staring in awe out at the elk beyond her and she’s over there gagging (?) something up, hoping no one really notices. I see her out there. I notice her hot-messness. I think she’s actually okay.
Quick Hits:
Jam Of The Week: Florence + The Machine – Everybody Scream.
(ob-sessed. this song feels like Dead Man’s Bones + Florence + that darkness inside of you that is actually joyous who has truly been wondering when the last time you screamed at the top of your lungs was.)
A Little Woo.
(I love what this new moon will be bringing us. and I have a new astrological playlist coming for those who are paid subscribers… aka angels on earth.)The Best Toys, Made By A Fave Company.
(it’s a waitlist for all of them, but I love them. [though, I do not care for actual real-life horses. Amy and I are together on this one. p.s. my heart during that ep. I love Aubrey.] growing up, my brother had a hobby horse named “Broccoli” and now Marcelline has one named “Birthday.”)Amazing Handmade Clothing From Jackson, Wyoming.
(check out these jorts and these jackets.)Speaking Of Drip.
(Reddit is where I spend most of my internet time now… instead of social media… is that a step forward or a step back?)These Folks Are Having A Sale.
(would buy: these. three. things.)A Friend Wore This Dress To A Show The Other Night.
(so of course I have a Poshmark alert now.)I Agree With These Recs.
(I also use that liquid blush in Coral Crush.)Also V On-Board With These Recs.
(p.s. this book about alcohol changed my life… fur real… v recently.)Wow, I Don’t Know What These Tickets Will Cost, But HOLY MOLY DO I WANT TO GO TO THIS.
(I have been craving New York lately… for the fall… for the tennis… for the Jinkx in Oh, Mary! and now for Dawson.)OMG, Speaking Of The 90s.
(I wore GAP’s Grass as a seventh grader.)WHOA! FONTS!
Me, About To Die.
This Actually Made Me Cry.
Okay, But This Made Me Cry Laugh.
And This Is Also Hilarious.
So many links. So much thinking. So little time. So much gratitude for you. My parents are in town and we got to go to Wilco all together and so many of our friends were there with their kids and my mom snapped this photo and it just made me so happy. I’m certain I was looking to Marcie who was asking for something, but it was beautiful chaos.
Here’s to surfing the chaos. And if it’s chaotic, I’m hoping it’s beautiful. Because you are beautiful. I know you are, because you are here and that is something just so gorgeous to me. Thank you for being here.
xxo,
Rachel.