the expectations of it all.
1776… New York City…
For about a decade now, Evan and I have had this joke between us that involves my iPhone. Every. Single. Time. I plug my phone into a rental car or someone else’s car, the stereo starts playing Aaron Burr, Sir from the Hamilton soundtrack.
It’s because I own the album and so it’s in my phone’s library and it’s the very first song, because they play alphabetically. Sometimes I’ll be playing something off of Bluetooth and then plug my phone in to charge it and it automatically changes to *whispers* “…Seventeen seventy-six… New York City…” Evan thinks it’s HILARIOUS and I always end up cursing.
The most embarrassing time it happened was eight years ago when I was on a work trip with the CEO of the advertising agency I worked for. I plugged my phone in to charge and the whole car was having a conversation for a minute or so before the CEO said, “What the hell are we listening to?”
This weekend, I was in Vegas with my Jumpers.
It was my first time seeing any of them since I left Seattle. We came up with the idea to all go to Vegas to see Shania Twain before I even moved to Jackson and I can’t believe we actually pulled it off.
As you get older, it easier not to get pulled in deep by expectations. Expectations can ruin relationships, jobs, and definitely girls’ trips. But THEN, it’s a tough balance, because the anticipation and excitement of it all (aka an expectation) is sometimes the best part. (why is adulting so damn complicated??) I tried hard not to have expectations for this trip. My confidence has been REAL low lately, so I just wanted to be with these girlies. See Shania Twain. Jump in some body of water. Go to Meow Wolf. Chill.
Low expectations.
I expected the Meow Wolf Omega Mart to be cooler. I know this sounds blasphemous to most. I think maybe my anxiety was at a higher level? Sometimes when it gets like that, I get in this headspace where I wanna make the best decisions and in Meow Wolf, there are too many decisions, so I kind of malfunctioned.
I didn’t expect how much casual nake nake time there would be with some of my favorite friends. Between all sharing a hotel room and going to a Korean spa, we saw a LOT of each other. Normalizing this kind of nakedness is something that should be—duh—commonplace. But I found myself smiling about how great it was to be naked with my friends so casually.
I expected our jump to be warmer. We were in Nevada for goodness sake! But it was windy as hell and so so cold. We went to the hotel’s rooftop pool for our traditional jump. The sunset was GORGEOUS. We set up a phone in Anne’s shoe for the self-timer (as is tradition) to take the jumping photo. An onlooker said, “Do you ladies want some help?” and our friend Tessa yelled, “This is tradition! No thank you!” and almost at that exact moment, a huge gust of wind knocked over the shoe with the phone as well as blew half of our towels in the water. We all screamed. It was hilarious. We jumped. We froze. It was hilarious/amazing.
I didn’t expect to love the FOOD as much as I did in Vegas. These three were my faves: Raku, Lotus of Siam, and Esther’s.
I expected Shania Twain to be as ridiculous as she was. She played all the hits. We sang at the top of our lungs. I loved it.
I didn’t expect to have one of my very favorite moments of the trip in a Lyft. We were riding from Meow Wolf to Raku. Emily was in the front seat, talking with the African cabdriver about different parts of Africa and the government systems. (Emily lived in Africa for a spell.) The rest of us were in the backseat chatting about lord knows what. Apparently Emily had asked to charge her phone, because suddenly I heard the most familiar drums… and then *whisper* “Seventeen seventy-six… New York City!” I started freaking out, asking Emily if this was her phone and that mine did this too and that Evan always makes fun of me and that I hate it but that this was awesome it was happening now.
Emily and I then started yell rapping/singing the whole song to each other like TOTAL nerds while the rest of the car cracked up in confused (yet soaringly high) entertainment. “YO YO YO YO YO… WHAT TIME IS IT? SHOWTIME! Like I saaaaaid…”
It was one of those moments where I felt seen, but seen throughout years. And I felt silly and dorky. And I was surrounded by friends who were being just as silly and dorky. And I was yelling at the top of my lungs along to lyrics I love, but have been so embarrassed by in the past. And Emily was yelling the lyrics back to me, over a sea of giggles. And I was laughing and we were all laughing together. And this became one of my absolute favorite moments of the whole weekend.
And I didn’t expect that.
Quick Hits:
Jam of the Week: Blu & Exile – A Song Called Precipitation.
(even though they’re out of LA, this song is making me miss the rain of Seattle. these lyrics:
“It's called precipitation
'Cus you know a little rain is always good for your health
Precipitation
When the sun dries the dirt on the Earth
And the clouds soak up so much water, that it burst
All the hurt and the pain just washes away
The rain stops and the clouds make way for the day.”my heart.)
I Finally Watched This Movie And LOVED It.
(it feels like such a special gift… especially for a 39-year-old.)This Modern Love Article Is Beautiful.
(also, yours truly is going to have my second Modern Love piece published next week. [!!!!!!!] I can hardly believe it. but also, it’s much more vulnerable than anything I’ve ever shared with the world… WHICH IS SAYING SOMETHING. and I didn’t even hide behind the shroud of humor… which means I just put my story out there… unfunny and all… which is… terrifying.)
All You Can Do…
(this is everything.)This Is A Perfect Piece Of Radio.
(TAL is a forever for always career goal of mine.)
Laughed Hard At This Comedy Special.
(love you, Fortune!)
Are You Kidding Me With This Cuteness??
(if you haven’t seen Wicked yet, what are you doing with your life?)
(as a writer, might I add: this pen my Jumpers Secret Santa gave me, this hat because I can’t stop talking about the book, my favorite tarot deck because we gotta trust our instincts and also I’ve spilled so much coffee and worn out my current version, or what every. single. writer. wants… your vote of confidence. your belief in us. in me. if you have the means, please consider becoming a paid member to The Messayist! I’ll send you a tote and I’ll love you forever.)
OMG, If This Isn’t Marcie.
(she’s basically a classroom narc.)
I’m Crying Laughing.
(I’ve watched this 100x and just keep laughing harder. I love kid art.)
Happy December! Happy Holidays! We leave for Texas Thursday evening for a good, long visit. I can’t wait to cuddle with my parents and my parents’ dog and watch Marcie just be her best Texan self. I’m wishing you the same joy… with no expectations… but some… I dunno… don’t self-sabotage your joy, okay?
xxo,
rachel.